Diary Discussions with

The Buzz of Beyoncé, The Lessons of Lemonade

Everyone is obsessing over the buzz from Beyoncé's "Lemonade" album. Her latest audio visual work released at midnight on Sunday April 24, 2016. (FYI I coincidentally hosted a picnic that day at which Lemonade was the talk of the table!) This rampant obsession is not because of her overly clear message on love, respect for oneself, racial equality, or personal growth either. Instead, we just can't get enough of that enticing tea Beyoncé spilled that husband and fellow entertainer- Jay-Z- may have cheated on her.

Image result for beyonce lemonade

With a keen eye, you may notice a variation of symbolic images throughout the visual album. It boasts an assortment of beautiful women representing all ethnic backgrounds, love among individuals of different ages, genders and sexual orientations, costumes fashionably dated back to centuries ago, intricately decorated settings, and makeup artistry that reads of strength among various cultural groups. You may even notice the mothers of sons slain at the hands of the police- Sybrina Fulton, Lezley McSpadden, and Gwen Carr. These women all shared the heartbreaking grief of losing their sons to racial profiling and brutality. In this visual documentation, they were featured alongside Beyoncé herself to spread awareness of the inequality within our legal and justice system for the sake of their children- Trayvon Martin, Michael Brown, and Eric Garner. However, all the naked eye can see in this film is scandal.

 

While this is an interesting topic and certainly up for discussion, Beyoncé's latest album is not just about cheating. It is about how to deal with a broken heart, repair a home and family, respect yourself, cope with pain, and recover from loss. However, the commercialized artist has been pulled into a superficial realm of tabloid conversation as the world tries to figure out if Jay-Z cheated, when he cheated, and with whom?

 

I personally do not care to know the gory details. Having listened to the lyrics intently, I simply understand. I empathize with the feelings she expressed in her "Lemonade" album having been through betrayal in a marriage myself. And to be honest, it is quite obvious she experienced an extreme level of pain in her relationship. Some incident had to have driven the Queen Bey to scream out these words, "This is your final warning, Try that ish again, you gon' lose your wife!". A self respecting woman like Bey wouldn't be throwing out empty words as such without the passion to back it up. She doesn't let out much in her interviews as we know, but we can all attest that her music always speaks her truth.

 

Now, I will never be the one to idolize another being but I have utmost respect for Bey and her expression of womanhood in her music. As a creative artist myself, I feel her passion and her pain. I can see God's love bursting through her and the brutal lessons that accompany it. I am touched by the melody of her soulful sounds and the diversity of her pro-peace movement. Her exhibition of self love and a quality of life is so very relatable to me. I ask that no one knock it until they truly indulge in it. Instead, lend your ear to the lessons of Lemonade and not just to the mainstream propaganda of loose speculation on Beyoncé's marriage. I gave "Lemonade" my undivided attention to capture the silent gems that live within this delectable beverage and realized once again that when life gives you lemons, you've gotta make the best damn lemonade you can!

 

Here are some words I've always lived by,spoken and sung by Queen Bey through the Lemonade Film. I am so thrilled to share...

 

"True love doesn't have to hide" -ALL NIGHT

 

"Stop interrupting my grinding." -SORRY

 

"She don't gotta give it up 'cause she's professional." -SIX INCH HEELS

 

"Nothing real can be threatened" -ALL NIGHT

 

"When did Love become elusive?"

 

"Too smart to crave materials things." -SIX INCH HEELS

 

"Daddy made a soldier out of me" -DADDY LESSONS

 

"I'd trade your broken wings for mine. I've seen your scars and kissed your cries." -ALL NIGHT

 

"I'm gon' keep on running because a winner don't quit on herself." -FREEDOM

 

"How do we lead our children to the future? Love. L-O-V-E. Love."

 

"Always stay gracious, best revenge is your paper." -FORMATION

 

Politics Can Be A Pain

17 Sep 2014

 

OMG... I don't know when and where I signed up to work in politics but here I am!

 

I've been working for the city for almost 6 years and for the past 2 I've been assigned to special community projects with local elected officials. I've mostly loved it for all the education and exposure its given me. I've grown so much as a program & event planner, and I've made a significant impact on our community. I feel I've stepped my game up as a Director and have used this bit of knowledge for the greater good of my agency and anyone else I had the chance to touch. I have a special interest in youth activism and working in this environment certainly shows me how my heartfelt ideas can truly make an impact someday. But there are some times when politics become a pain.

 

Today for instance, things hit the fan when I was put in a compromising position at work. I had to decide whether or not to take an order which I really didn't feel comfortable with. But what do you do when a professional decision comes to a crossfold with your personal views? Or when you are pinned as the scapegoat in a deeper, bigger issue? Or when you feel your actions as a professional will reflect you personally? And that's when politics becomes a pain. SMH

Dear Diary, The Bullying Won't Stop (Volume I)

VOLUME 1: IS THIS THE END?

 

Dear Diary,              Monday June 19th

 

I really hate my life!

 

And I’ve been keeping this old diary ever since my grandparents gave it to me 6 years ago on the Christmas before they died, so now’s a better time than any other to start using it. I’m so fed up with this life of mine and there’s  no one to talk to about it but you.

 

People on the outside think I’m lucky enough to be living amongst the urban elite in one of the most affluent neighborhoods on Long Island. But Northfield Lane is more than just beautiful homes, manicured lawns, and fancy cars. It’s also about keeping up with the Joneses and keeping your skeletons so deep in the closet that no one can see your struggle or your pain. You should never pout or complain because the way we live is how the rest of the world dreams of living. Yea right!

 

Our home may be comprised of sun-filled street views, high ceilings, and granite countertops but the curtains were often kept closed, the constant shouting was all that echoed through the halls, and my mother hardly ever cooked on those counters. Living the “good life” was not at all for me what it should‘ve been.

 

I sometimes watched the kids next door play outside on their porch and I longed to have the genuine smile and laugh they did. Their mothers would come outside with a glass of fruit punch and share some quality time with them. Their fathers would join them for a basketball game or a swing on their swing set. That was not my reality. I didn’t have a loving mother and I had no father period- at least that’s what my mother told me.

 

She said I was being ungrateful for even asking about him.

 

“You better be happy you finally got a lil money now and a working brain. Stop worrying about all that other stuff because none of that is gonna get you anywhere in life…” I guess she expected me to be materialistic and vain just because I live amongst people who were. But I’m different and I’ve always known it.

 

I mean, I appreciate my grandparents working their butts off when they were alive so that we could thrive off their wealth, but I also resent them a bit. They forgot to teach my mother how important it is to love. To them, it was much more important to portray the right image and keep up a good appearance. Well, I’m sick and tired of living the lie of bliss and perfection.

 

With everything I have to deal with amongst my peers, my mother pretends to be a supportive and comforting single parent when we were out in public; but behind our iron clad French doors, she was just as violent and mean as everyone else. And I can no longer keep up the facade.

 

It’s time for me to find a way out of this awfully painted picture of a life I’m living or someone is gonna get brutally hurt- and I do mean that literally.

 

But I’m gonna need you to promise me you’ll keep my secrets because I’m feigning to get some things off my chest. For the longest time, I’ve been letting all this eat me up inside. I haven’t had any friends or family to share this with and it’s finally time I let this all out…

 

Dear Diary,                Monday June 24th

 

OMG! Today was officially the worst day of my life!

 

You wouldn’t believe this, but just a few days before the school year ended, I was chased off the school bus today and left humiliated and scared. This beautiful spring day quickly turned gloomy when I became the target of a group of angry kids.

 

"Leave me alone!" I pleaded hoping the mean girls from my class would back down. But they were out to get me and they weren’t giving up. So I just kept on running and had no plans of stopping.

 

This wasn’t the first time I had to face torture from my peers but I damn sure hoped it was my last. It was humiliating being a loner and a punk. But that was me. I come from a beautiful but broken home and moreover, I was feeling broken. Over the past 3 years of junior high, there was nothing I could do to shake the pitiful reputation I had at Northfield Junior High.

 

Even though the other students had my skin color and came from the same upper middle class neighborhood, they didn’t understand my personal struggles. They didn’t know what it was like to be a slightly introverted 8th grader. To be teased and mistreated on the regular was just an awful way to live. I don’t dress as fly as them or get the kinks straightened out of my hair as often as they do. I have my share of issues at home and just try to focus on my grades when I’m at school. I’ve never had much of a social life and for that reason, I dread each day of school.

 

So there I was today, just making it through to the end of junior high and I was running for my damn life.

 

After all the teasing I’d dealt with these past few years from my peers, I thought I could stand up for myself, just this once, and end off the year with a win. It was my final chance to make a statement to the other kids before we all entered high school and I was labeled a punk forever.

 

So this time, when Dina and her crew tried to cut me on the bus line, I stopped them. I told Dina, “Hey! Wait your turn,” as she pushed past me. She refused, so I put my hand out to stop her and she bumped into my arm.

 

“I know she did not just touch me!” Dina yelled, not realizing she actually touched me. But I knew she was too ignorant to argue with so I just stepped out the way and allowed her and the others to go ahead. Apparently it was too late, the whole crew was angry with me. They came at me demanding I show some “respect”.

 

“This chick still don’t know her place?!” someone yelled. “Let’s teach her a lesson once and for all.” She pushed me out of the line and onto the bus shelter in the middle of the sidewalk. The whole group followed. I stumbled a bit as my head hit the cold hard glass. As I stood up and tried to back away, they were eagerly coming at me with clenched fists. I was afraid of what would happen next.

 

So I ran for my damn life, down the street, through a convenience store front, out through the back door, over someone’s fence and onto an unfamiliar street. But the girls caught up to me and had me cornered. The boys who had followed behind gathered around to watch the beat down of the year.

 

All I remember was a tug of my shirt, a slap to my face, and a punch to my stomach. By then I was down and out.

 

As if they hadn't done enough damage, Dina signaled the crew to crowd closer around me. Some of the girls kicked me repeatedly while the others took my book bag and threw all my stuff to the ground. They were having a good ole time, at my expense.

 

I had actually hoped today would be the end of all the tormenting these kids had put me through over the years. But as I lay on the ground bruised and alone when my attackers ran away, I realized the bullying just won’t stop. L

~

 

I lay there for what felt like at least an hour before a fine lookin’ brother helped me up. I couldn’t see clearly through my hazy vision but I do remember the touch of his smooth brown skin and those light brown eyes looking at me with such concern. I finally felt safe as I closed my eyes and passed out in his arms.

 

Dear Diary,                          Tuesday June 25th

 

I woke up this morning in excruciating pain. I couldn’t even turn to get out of bed. My stomach felt twisted inside, my face was burning, and I felt stabs of pain throughout my leg. As much as I tried to hold back tears, they came pouring down my face.

 

I probably needed to go to a hospital but after several visits to the emergency room over the past few years, I knew what I was in store for- long waits, a Band Aid, and a doctor’s note. I was very familiar with the process.

 

My mother and I had our fights over the years so I was no stranger to the bruises and pain these stupid kids caused me. For some reason, I couldn’t bring myself to tell her what happened though. The last time I cried about someone teasing me, she punished me for being soft. I couldn’t imagine what she’d do to me now.

 

Coming from a single parent home, I know better than to complain to my mother about these things. She busts her tail working at Northfield General Hospital- the largest and highest rated health facility in our area- as a Nurse practitioner; so I have always appreciated the basic things she provides.

 

Love, style, and a peaceful life just weren’t any one of them. So I knew I’d have to find those things elsewhere.

 

Of course it hurts me that I’m judged based on my appearance alone, but I know I’m a damn good person and one day people are gonna look deeper and realize that. Too bad today ain’t that day.

 

And you know what, my grandmother prepared me for that rude awakening. She used to tell me to “always dress the part” and “look the way you want to be looked at”. But my mother never allowed me to get the gear needed to carry out the right image. She actually prefers me suffering and enjoys witnessing my failure. It gave her the ammo she needed to put me down.  It seemed like that’s all that made her feel good. So I just deal with it.

 

Then at school, it’s no better. My classmates have always made it clear how little they think of me and sometimes their awful words spoke louder than their cruel actions.

 

“Rat face! Twig legs! Flatty Patty!” the boys shout at me from time to time referring to my mouse-shaped ears, long skinny legs, and small boobs.

 

“Geek! Plain Jane! Loser!” The girls would say referencing my rare intellect, my less than stylish clothing, and lack of social status.

 

These kids hated me for not having the values they had. They didn’t like that I didn’t focus on fashion, status, and beauty… probably because that was where all their power resided.

 

So as you know, this last week of school was pure torture. As ecstatic as I was about ending this awful chapter of my life- junior high- I couldn’t enjoy it. There was always someone trying to mess with me.

 

But I tried to stay hopeful as I swallowed 2 of the painkillers I hid under my queen sized mattress. 

 

I just can’t wait for these pills to kick in so I could go to sleep and escape my pain. Because at this point, life can’t get any worse.

 

Dear Diary,                Wednesday June 26th

 

What was I saying before? It couldn’t get any worse? Well I for damn sure lied.

 

I decided not to go to school for the last few days. I mean, it’s the last days of school and we’re not learning anything anyhow. Well, my mother had a lesson waiting for me when she came home from work today.

 

Apparently the school called to let her know I hadn’t picked up my report card today. Dammit! I completely forgot about that. The last day of school came quicker than I realized. So she was pissed!

 

As good as I got at keeping it a secret from her, it was time to tell my mother about my fight. I started to explain to her how wounded I was from this fight—matter of fact—the beat down, and all she could say was, “Your punk self let those damn kids fight you?!” She wasn't the least bit concerned about the pain I was in or the torture I had endured.

 

“Ma, don’t you care that them kids came running after me for no reason?” I pleaded for her to understand. “They caught up to me, stole my book bag, and beat me nearly to death!”

 

It was awful just thinking back about it. The punches, the kicking, and the embarrassment I faced as I lay on the dirty ground. It was the worst beating I had ever gotten, and that's saying a lot.

 

Until this moment, I had no one to confide in about this awful event. Telling my mother should have been a relief. But she didn’t have even an ounce of empathy.

 

“You stay letting people come at you and you don’t do nothing about it! That’s your own damn fault! When’s your weak self gonna learn to defend yourself?!” My mother spoke to me with rage.

 

“How can you blame me for this, ma? They’re always messin’ with me and I don’t know the first thing about defending myself.” She looked back at me with both anger and disgrace then smacked me straight across my face with the back of her hand.

 

“Little girl, I done taught you everything you need to know.”

 

I guess she expected that after years of taking her beatings, I would have learned to fight back. But instead, I was just beaten down and left defeated. All I wanted was a little peace in my life.

 

I stood there with both pain and shock. It had been a while since she hit me like that. Just as I was recovering, she came back and slapped me again, this time on my other cheek.

 

“That’s for cutting school,” she said. “You do that again , it’s gon’ be fire to your behind!”

 

“But ma, I was hurt,” I cried. But she didn’t even care one bit.

 

“Get over it!" She turned to leave the room. "On Monday you gon’ have to go and get me that report card so you better dry those tears and suck up your little pain.”

 

I knew there was nothing more I could say. I had to obey her or else. I knew what was coming for me.

 

My mother had some anger so deeply rooted inside her that clouded her vision of any happiness. She didn’t date and never really hung out with friends. She only enjoyed using me as a punching bag and I couldn’t stop her. For a beautiful curvy woman, she sure knew how to display the ugly she had inside. I’ve always longed for her and I to get along. I mean, every girl wants a mother they could talk to. But I was outta luck on that. All she wanted to do with me is fight.

 

I’ve always tried to figure her out- but at 13, there’s no reason I could come up with to explain the hatred she had for me. All I ever wanted was to be loved.

 

I’m her only child—her only family. Her only anything. I should be everything to my mom but she treated me like I was nothing. And at the end of a day like this—that’s exactly how I felt.

 

Dear Diary,                      Thursday June 27th

 

My mother drove me to school today and waited outside while I picked up my report card. As I was leaving her car, she hissed at me, “you had better had got all A’s.”

 

And I knew that’s exactly what she was expecting. But I was afraid I didn’t get it this time. All year long, I sat in front of a boy in math that teased me. Tyrone always whispered weird mean things in my ear when I tried to raise my hand and ask a question.

 

“A smarty pants with all the stupidest questions,” and “Only losers actually want to learn,” he would say.

 

He pulled my hair and made itchy, scratchy noises whenever I touched my hair myself.

 

It was so intimidating and the teacher didn’t give a damn about how I felt. I had been trying to get my seat changed the whole year and she insisted the seating chart was “strategically done to benefit the whole class and not just one person.” I mean, would it have been so hard to put all the troublemakers on one side of the room and those who wanted to learn at the other?

 

I even told my mother about the issues I was having and she thought I was being petty complaining about a “stupid little boy who probably had a stupid little crush.” But I knew well enough, Tyrone didn’t like me one bit and neither did any of his friends.

 

Then in science, I had the popular girls threatening me not to get a perfect score and mess up the curve “or else”. It hurt my core daily. Tyrone and the others messed with my social life, my self-esteem, and even the one thing I thought no one could ever take away from me—my ability to learn.

 

So I didn’t need to see my report card to know there would be at least one or two A’s missing from it.

 

When I walked into the classroom, my homeroom teacher, Ms. Grimmer handed it to me with a look of disappointment in her eyes. I wasn’t sure if it was because I’d cut a few days of school or because my report card was less than she expected of me, so I asked.

 

“Is something wrong, Ms. Grimmer?”

 

“Honestly, Patricia, I wanted to ask you the same,” she looked at me with seriousness. “This was one of your worst reports ever. Is something happening at home?”

 

“Well Ms. Grimmer,” I decided to tell her half the truth. “It’s not so much home as it’s been school, recess, and the bus rides home. All the other kids hate me. No one wants to be my friend. Everyone teases me,” I expressed to her.

 

She seemed surprised at how honest I’d been.

 

“Well, I’m sure all you kids have your individual challenges. Some choose to deal with it by ignoring it and some of you take it out on others.”

 

“That’s not fair. Isn’t that bullying?” I asked.

 

“I guess you can call it that,” she replied. “But you can't blame anyone for your falling grades. You’re the one who made these things affect your schoolwork and that’s the sad part. You had so much potential.”

 

She was blaming me now! Did she not know what the teasing and threats did to a person? After opening up to her, I realized she didn’t understand me one bit. She was basically telling me it was my fault for being affected by the constant torture. She sounded just like my mother.

 

How could they blame me for the awful way people treated me?! I didn’t deserve this.

 

They believed it was okay to allow my classmates to mistreat me this way? And that bullying was a simple little thing I had to just get over?

 

I heard enough. I took my report card from her and received my grades. I got three A’s, two B’s, and two C’s. This certainly wasn’t good enough for my mother or my teachers but after the tumultuous year I just had, it was good enough for me.

 

I forced a smile and just thanked Ms. Grimmer then wished her a great summer. There was no use hanging around any longer.

 

As I’m walking out she says, “Good luck in high school, Patricia. There are bigger problems and tougher kids. Better learn how to adapt now.”

 

Her words stung me just to think about the next four years being any worse that the past three. I had to make a conscience decision to make things better. I couldn’t let another person affect me the way Tyrone, Dina, and the others had this year.

 

As I walked outside to the car, I dreaded showing the report card and explaining it to my mother. I was afraid of what she would say and even worse… what she would do.

 

Dear Diary,                      Wednesday June 28th

 

My mother didn’t take the report card too well. 

 

While in the car yesterday, she played it off cool. It was like it didn’t even matter. I passed her my report card, she glanced at it briefly and threw it back at me. She had to rush off to work so she dropped me home with the quickness.

 

But when she got home this morning, it was a whole other story. She woke me up at two in the morning and asked me to show her the report card again.

 

I was deep in my slumber when she came in but I still conjured up the strength to obey my mother’s wishes. She takes the paper from me and looks at my grades in awe as if it was her first time seeing it.

 

Then she made me read the grades aloud to her, although she had already seen it. But I knew what this was. She had a bad day and was trying to pick a fight.

 

“I just don’t understand, Patricia. Why the hell you getting C’s all of a sudden?”

 

“Well ma,” if she really wanted to know, I decided to tell her. "I haven’t been able to concentrate this year. The kids have been teasing me and threatening me and it’s been a huge distraction.” I tried to hold back tears because that would be the ultimate sign of weakness in the presence of my mom.

 

“You mean to tell me, you’re letting them kids affect your grades now? Dammit Patricia! If you can’t keep your grades on point, what the hell am I gonna do with you? " she yelled.

 

“Ma, I’m gonna start over. I know I can do better. Please give me a chance. I’m sorry." I begged for her forgiveness. As much as it hurt to hear her say it, it was true. All I have in my favor is getting good grades and I was letting that falter too.

 

My mother sat down on my bed shaking her head with disgrace. “You always so damn sorry. Your weak behind is always letting people get the best of you. First you let them kids chase you down and punk you on the bus, now you telling me they’re threatening your schoolwork. You’re hopeless.”

 

“I’m sorry ma. Maybe if daddy was around…”

 

“Why the hell you bringing up your father?!“ she interrupted angrily. ”I done told you, you don’t got one.”

 

“Ma, I gotta have one. Why can’t you tell me something about him? Anything?” I asked.

 

She turned around and swung her hands in my face. Yet another blow to my cheek for the week and it stung bad.

 

“Like I said, ‘you don’t got one’. And with the mess you be putting me through, you don’t deserve one either.” That wasn’t the first time she dodged questions I asked about my dad. It was risky every time I tried. But how could I not?

 

She got up to leave my room but not before giving me her last and final order. “Tomorrow you better clean this house top to bottom. Better believe you ain’t sitting on your ass all summer long doing nothin.”

 

“Yes, ma’am,” I obeyed.

TO READ ON, BUY THE BOOK NOW:

 

Phenomenal Woman Seeks Phenomenal Man

I'm a phenomenal woman seeking a phenomenal man

Some say I'll never find him but I know I can

I can find him at work or even at play

Although it's been tough, we'll eventually meet someday

I can find him at the bar or at the park too

But theres some things to keep in mind no matter what I do

I'm a phenomenal woman and what that really means

Is that I'm more than ordinary and much greater than I seem

I can't be eager or move quite too quick

I'm a rare diamond, and no easy pick

My mind is on a mission, I have a heart of gold

#Mypassionispeace no matter how matter how rocky the road

Indeed I am a mother so I can certainly protect

I gave birth to twin boys, so I can multitask in sets

I can cook a meal while I massage your back

I can be a friend and lover, and also bring home checks

I am slightly insecure because I strive to perfect

But that only makes me better 'cause all your flaws, I'll accept

I am extraordinary, I write books and speak and dance

I give my all to the community, at my every chance

I'm a soldier- a survivor, even the ex can't break me down

He tried to leave me lost and lonely, but I turned that fate around

I love to share my heart, with just a simple smile

To care for local youth, and to do it all with style

It took some time to see it, but I finally know my worth

I'm here to soften hearts, and beautify the earth

I'm ready for a love thing that understands this goal

Who matches my intellectual, knows how to play his role

To hold me tight when I need him most

Be by my side as we cruise down the coast

To spend our days having phenomenal times

To show me God's love as I give him all mine

 

Dear Diary, Separated & It Feels So Good

Dear Diary,

 

Is the cat out the bag yet?

 

Me and my hubby are officially divorced.  And yes of course there's a certain level of pain you experience when you love someone unconditionally and the love is lost, but I can honestly say, it's for the best. It's been 2 years since we sat down and decided we needed a break. For over 6 years we had been consistently together, embarking on a life full of love and bliss, but somewhere along the way, we grew apart.

I'm not gonna blame anyone in particular for nature running it's course, but I can issue some things I learned about choosing a partner for myself in the future.

 

1) He must be strong, physically & mentally

2) He must have a spiritual connection with God

3) He must be smart and educated

4) He must be ambitious

5) He must be able to communicate well

6) He must be able to control his anger and emotions

7) He must have family values in place and have the desire to build one of his own

8) He must be a team player, a partner, and offer support

9) He must be a protector of his woman and his family

10) He must be a real man, full of love, strength, and honesty

 

I crave these qualities because I didn't have them in my marriage. I lacked so many things in my past relationship and foolishly allowed myself to believe lies and empty promises. I was holding on so tightly to an image of hope and the anticipation of a love that never existed. I was young and dumb and oh so ready in the past. I will no longer allow myself to ignore the signs of abuse in any shape or form.

 

So when I say, I'm seperated and it feels so good, I'm expressing my freedom. I'm not indulging in the negative state of mind he threw me in but instead taking ownership of my pain and building upon it. I'm re-defining myself and showing the world I'm more than just his wife. I have limitless dreams and wide ranging abilities. I'm taking the lessons learned and moving right along. I'm acknowledging my flaws and embarking on a new journey. I'm letting it be known that I did love and yes I lost my man. But the cheating and trickery within a relationship is not at all worth sticking around for. His constant bashing of my thoughts and ideas will stop me no more. When someone loves you, really loves you unconditionally, it should be an effortless bonding experience. Stop holding on to someone who is willing to let you go. Find someone who truly cares and the bliss of it will be oozing out of you skin. If separation is what it takes to find my true happiness, I'm ready to break free. Love for self is often overlooked but I'm finally feeling it and feeling so good. :-)

My 30th Birthday Las Vegas Getaway!

 

 

As much as I work, y'all already know how much I love to play! This year I'm turning 30 and taking a break from the grind to hang out in Las Vegas, Nevada... And you're invited to come along for a fun-filled relaxing yet wild ride!

As of now, the trip will be 4 days, 3 nights Tuesday June 30-Friday July 3.

It will cost $575 per person for flight & hotel, all taxes and fees included. But if you wanna lock it down as that price, I'll need at $100 deposits by April 10. That gives 3 weeks to decide, get your money, choose a roommate or let me know if you need one, and quickpay me (using my # 917.518.0720 or my email delicia.davis@aol.com) You're welcome to bring a friend, family member or significant other who knows how to chill back, relax, and have a good time. Total balance will be due by Friday May 22.
 

Resort TBD

Flight TBD


Tentative Agenda
(No one is obliged to stick it to it, btw!)

Day 1, Tuesday June 30 - Chill, Eat, Walk the Strip, Site See, Club Hop

Day 2, Wednesday July 1 (My & Jessica D's Birthday!!)- Spa Day, Relax, Special Dinner Celebration, & Party

Day 3, Thursday July 2- Shop, Chill by the Poolside, Attend a Nighttime Show, Turn Up time, Club Hop 

Day 4, Friday July 3- Empowerment Breakfast, Souvenier Shop, Recap & Pack
 

Confessions of a Single Girl

Okay, I've been single for long enough. And I never thought I'd ever be about this life, but after 11 years in back to back relationships, then a year and a half passed from splitting with my ex, I realized I'm here and still happy. But I've got some things to confess...

 

Now that most the wounds have healed, my new reality has set in and I'm loving it, so I'm not holding back nor giving a damn what anyone thinks.

 

Dating has been adventurous for me but a bit tedious at the same time. I love getting out there and meeting people, getting to know new characteristics and opening up my heart and mind to new experiences. I live for strong social connections and positive influences. But it wasn't long before I realized, the dating game has changed since my teenage years when I was last single. Thing is though, my needs as a woman, hasn't so much. And I'm not at all willing to compromise my needs and desires to accommodate today's notion of "bae's" and "boo thangs" when I deserve true love and satisfaction.

 

So I've been dating for the past year, and oh boy have I kissed some frogs. Some were grimey, slimey even; but I can't front, there's been some passionate and satisfying ones too. I've given chances to some of the most intelligent, handsomest, fun, and freaky guys I could ever meet. And the fun doesn't stop there... It's like everyday I meet someone new. But I have yet to find what I'm looking for- a mature man with his personal values in place, his career on the move, his body on point, and his masculinity in check. Oh and most importantly- both emotionally and physically available to me.  Basically, someone who presents himself to be the male equivalent of myself. I know I'm a one of a kind woman though- and finding that one of a kind man is gonna be difficult but damn are there no strong honest hardworking men around anymore? Oh and single men please...

 

I guess I missed the train that stopped and let off all the decent men while I was wifed up for the past 7 years SMH. Now that I'm available, everyone's just beginning their lives, having kids, finding love and experiencing all that brand new bliss. Either that, or they're basking in the turn-up season sun and are no where near ready to settle down or in other words, turn down for what..? And I'm no hater, I know how to make the most of a great experience. I can always enjoy the good times and quickly let the bad ones go...

 

But anyway, about this dating game- I'm a bit over it but I'll continue to indulge. There's so much to learn about myself and men as I casually date. I've made some mistakes as I will continue to do and I've learned some lessons. I've given too much and I've given not enough. At times I've been excited and others I've been frustrated, I've felt proud and I've felt down. I've gotten more selective with my dating options though and have started to become much more clear about what I want. I learned to take the positive lessons and experiences from each guy, exit left when I notice too many negatives, and move forward when the time is right. I even learned how to balance out the give and take of dating- and even decided to abstain until I've found that one man who deserves all of me.

 

My friends tell me I need to take time for myself, coming out of a divorce and all but hellooo... I was single and to myself for 6 months after the breakup... Which is a lifetime for a gal like me. My hearts too big and I've got too much love in me to be alone. So dating and social encounters are just a part of my life. It's who I am and I can't stop the dude flow even if I try. At work or at play, guys can't resist me... & even some girls (pause tho). I'm fun, and intelligent, I turn way up and know when to turn down. I love a variety of spontaneous experiences and know how to party. I'm that loyal chick and the ride or die. I pretty selective about who I spent time on and have extremely high standards so if you get a chance to hang with me, you must feel like a winner.

 

I must confess to you though- sometimes all you get is one chance. I just don't entertain BS characters for long. If I find that you have ill intent or hate in your blood, your goals don't meet or match mine, you add no value to my life, or have the potential to bring me down in any kinda way- I cut the cord quick. Block, delete, ignore, whatever I've got to do to free myself from the toxicity. And that goes for chicks and so called friends too. Don't waste my valuable time.

 

I'd love to share more with you- as I will- but I'm off to work now. Gotta get myself and my boys ready to head out. I'll be keeping up with my diary discussions as best as I can though, so come back for more of my juicy exploitations. XOXO,

 

Breaking Through A Break-up

 

For the past several years, I considered myself a happily married woman. I had a hardworking husband, twin sons, and a beautiful home to call our own. I was full of life and packed with limitless dreams. I worked full time and started a business, hoping my family would someday build an empire together. My ex and I met in our early twenties and got married within 3 years. We hosted lots of parties, took many vacations, and were always on social media being tagged in the cutest of photos. I thought we were in love, but really, I was becoming comfortable with life as we knew it. But the day came when I realized, my comfort did not match my fulfillment.
 
 
Don't get me wrong though, I married for all the right reasons. I was soooo in love. But the person I fell in love with was not the person I married. I was fooled into thinking I was with someone who had the same spiritual, emotional, and intellectual goals as I did. A dude who truly valued his family and would put his woman first. Someone who had the strength and drive I so much admired in a man. But so it wasn't so and when times got tough, I found myself pulling too much weight and often fighting to keep it together all on my own. I had never been the type to give up, and never on my man but as I was growing more and more concerned about his feelings, mine were getting brutally hurt. And as much love as I possessed in my heart for my husband, I was not feeling loved, comforted, or supported back. I didn't feel my ideas were being valued and at times, my kindness was being taken for weakness. I was being silently abused and openly ridiculed. Finally, my intuitions became clear and my heart was eventually broken.
 
After reaching my breaking point, and finding out about the betrayal and dishonesty within my marriage, I was happy to let it all go. I knew I'd be viewed as a failure in many eyes, but in my own, I saw strength. I no longer wanted to live a lie. I couldn't fight for a love that didn't exist, nor could I continue to live without the true happiness I deserve.
 
It didn't take long for me to see, my ex-husband was not the source of my love, strength or happiness all along. I never really had his support anyway. He didn't appreciate my mind and devalued my heart. He didn't express himself to me or open up enough to truly know and understand me. I had fallen into a place where I forced the image in my mind to match the image in my heart, but in reality, it wasn't so. When I finally saw the truth, it hurt me deeply, but I was not going to let myself break. Within the beginnings of our divorce, I felt so alone, so weak, and so worthless. Everything I prided myself on- having a loving family and a happy home- was seemingly gone. But my love for self wasn't going anywhere.
 
I knew what I was capable of and I was determined not to let anyone take that willpower away. Within that first year as a single woman, I was able to complete and publish my first book. I was recognized by lots of organizations for speaking up against bullying. My experiences inspired hundreds of youth as I toured around NYC sharing profound messages about self esteem and against violence. I was given a chance to spend much needed personal time with friends, family, and my sons. I even got to experience the dating scene for the first time in my adult life, (I had been in a relationship for 11 years!) Overall, I found myself. I found my strength, my true character, my love, my bliss, and my faith and didn't need anyone but God's assistance in doing so. I actually had thought my life was ending with this break-up but instead, I made an amazing breakthrough.
 
 XOXO

My Summer Bucket List 2014

1. Lay out on a boat deck
2. Get a new man
3. Fly my boys on a plane
4. Try a new thing
5. Kiss a celeb
6. Get my new tattoo
7. Throw the most extravagant book party (on June 27)
8. Have a Queens event go Central (work stuff)
9. Be on time for everything
10. Buy a trampoline
11. Publish my boys first book
12. Be on a reality show
13. Race at a race track << bad luck or nah?
14. Ride a motorcycle
15. Take a surfing lesson
16. Take a road trip with my framily
17. Play golf
18. Gain 10 lbs
19. Potty train the boys
20. Wear a bikini confidently for the first time since having kids

        XOXO

What's yours?

Send your accomplished ones to me on twttr & the gram all summer long #summerbucketlist @thedolldiva

Can One Woman Really Make a Man Happy?

So my girls and I recently had a slumber party and as turnt up as we got staying up all night dancing, drinking, munching, watching movies, and exchanging gifts; we eventually turnt down for some girl chat. The topic of guys came up of course, but a new idea was introduced.

 

"Do you think one woman can truly make a man happy?" because this statement came from the idea that homosexual relationships are more successful than heterosexual ones. This idea goes as far as to say that dudes treat dudes better in general. She believes they're more loyal to their boys, most trusting, more open, and more willing to go that extra mile for 'em.  Yet, when the time comes for a dude to open his heart up for a woman- by letting her in, trusting her, showing some loyalty and a lil commitment- it just isn't happening as quickly. Dudes are not man-ing up for their women, they're not playing their role as a protector and a provider, nor are they expressing their love (in actions, not just in words). On top of all that, it seems like no matter how many women a man can get with and be with, they just don't seem to ever be satisfied. I've even heard some men say that their marriages are successful because they are able to go out seeking multitudes of other women.

 

Previously, I posted a video blog stating a few reasons why men have said they aren't "buying what some single ladies are selling". On that list were things like, women aren't supportive enough, they aren't trusting enough, and they have unrealistic expectations for men. Well, what if your woman is supportive, trusting, and actually has realistic expectations for you? Will you be any more faithful, committed, and loving to just her?

 

Is it really the case that one woman can't please a man? On the show, "The New Atlanta," one guy admits at an all male forum, that it's pretty unlikely that he'll find a woman who can satisfy him physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. But are y'all dudes even looking?

 

Tell us what's up, though? Can one woman really make you happy? Or are yall in need of something we just can't provide? If there's something we're lacking, please say, because most single women can't seem to figure out what...

 

xoxo DD

Spring Break Getaway Cruise

Finally, an outing to whisk us all away for a trip meant for bonding, relaxation, luxury, and lots of fun! An all-inclusive trip from the east coast to the beautiful island of Bermuda aboard the upscale cruiseline, Royal Caribbean Cruises, leaving from Cape Liberty, NJ on Saturday May 31, 2014 and returning on Thursday June 5, 2014.

 

Join us as we leave our stressful lives behind and enjoy 6 days (5 Nights) sipping on cocktails, jetskiing, parasailing, taking dips in the pool, the jacuzzi, and the beach, then dining, dancing, discussions, shopping, shows, and more!

 
 
 

 

 

Dear Diary, Do You Dare to Dream?

I heard it before and I think its sooo unfair of people who say, I'm living in a "dreamworld". Not because it isn't true, but because they're saying it to negate the joy I feel and to doubt what I believe can happen is even possible.

 

Why is it viewed negatively for a girl to have dreams these days? Why don't people believe a girl can have it all? What's wrong with staying positive and believing in yourself? Having confidence in your abilities and trusting God that things will someday be okay?

 

In my opinion, theres nothing wrong with it at all. I have always kept my dreams alive. Even when I'm in my most trying times (like I've been as of recent), the only thing that keeps me going (aside from my kids) is the belief in my dreams. I picture my better days and I know that if the love I have in me is real, then real love is out there. I've been heartbroken but never broken. As long as I keep fighting, I can never lose. I keep my heart open which is why I still believe a newer, truer love is on its way.

 

But still, people consider me a "fronter", a "dreamer" and claim I'm not living in reality. I've heard people state how I'm "in the clouds" and "living in a dreamworld". As happy as I am living this way, it saddens me that people who say this aren't experiencing the joy I feel inside. They don't understand what it's like to set yourself aside from the norm and to look at life in a new, more unique light. Choosing to live a great quality of life comes from within. It's so simple to obtain it but people are so wrapped in the negativity and doubt, they're missing out. They don't see how much happiness you can feel just by loving yourself, the people close to you, and appreciating the few great things that surround you. They don't see joy within their pain or sunshine peering through the rain. It's those little things I do that keep me sane and blissful no matter what awful realities present themselves.

 

At the end of the day, we all have pain and challenges and struggles and burdens to bear. And as the real woman that I am, I know I can't always change the circumstances but I can always change my reactions to them. You have the power to either falter when the storms come or rise above and make the most of it. I mean, take the lesson from it and move forward rather than wallow in self pity. I'd rather share the story of my pain with others and hope to offer something relatable or relieving to people who believe that just because I smile, everything is perfect. I'd like to let people know that I smile not because anything's ever perfect but because even though it's not, I still have the power and the love and the strength to keep on keeping on. Just believe in yourself. Believe that you're destined for greatness and surround yourself with people who do too.

 

It's not easy to see anything good buried in the midst of a bad situation but I've been making a commitment every day to search for it. That's the only way I'll ever find it. Because your joy depends solely on you and your state of mind. Find it, whichever ways it may come. And call on the support and love of good friends & fam when you need to.

 

So lately, when people say I'm living in a dreamworld, all I can think is, dammit I really like it here. Care to join me?

XOXO DD

 

Do you dare to dream?

Stevie J: The Ultimate Dog: 10 Reasons Ladies Hate (and Love) Him

 

Dear Diary,

 

It's so sickening the way guys play out their women. They will take a perfectly good quality woman, turn her into wifey and the mother of their kids, then before long when she's comfortably locked down, she's becomes a baby momma or just their chick, and they do her so dirty

 

It's disheartening how blatantly Stevie J does this on VH1's Love & Hip Hop Atlanta. I don't know real the scenarios in the show are, but the portrayal of Stevie J doggin' out his two women- MiMi and Joselin- is real enough to make me mad!

 

Here are 10 reasons why ladies hate Stevie J: The Ultimate Dog...

 

1. Stevie J is with a woman, MiMi, who loves him despite his lack of honesty and respect, and he takes her for granted. She wants to be there for him day in and day out but yet, he chooses to seek out that love in other places. â€œLong nights, girls, liquor, Lord knows what else,” said Mimi. “If it was just money he was getting in the studio I wouldn’t be mad at that. But it’s way more than money he’s getting.”

 

2. Gives his main lady, MiMi, a home wayyy outside the city where he works & screws his artist, thinking MiMi's gonna be happy about the fact that this new home drives a bigger wedge in their relationship. It's as if he's saying, "Shut the f#ck up and be a good dog and do what I say." -MiMi

 

3. He says he will start coming home, "a little bit more" when MiMI asks if he will be sharing their home with their daughter as a family.

 

4. He has a main lady in his life and is allowing the side chick to call him, "Daddy" in front of mixed company and mutual friends.

 

5. He shows up at an event with his side chick when he knows his woman, MiMi, is there celebrating with her friends. He's catering to the side chick, putting her jacket on, calling her, and sticking by her while MiMi is fleeing the scene.

 
6. He gets caught in the midst of a lie about kissing the side chick in public and completely denies it in front of the witness and all parties involved.
 
 
7. While his main lady is searching for him after finding out about his side chick, he is going after the side chick, begging her to stick around.

 

8. He took a girl out of the strip club to give her a "better life" but is still pimping her, only now he's compensating his "hoe" with studio time.

 

9. He called Erica a b*tch and a slut monkey for no reason. 

 

10. He sweet talks the pants off all his women and just plants his lies all over the place. All his dirt embarrases MiMi and leaves her vulnerable to second baby mama drama, disloyalty, and everytime she's out, she got somebody dishing dirt to her about her man. "There's a big difference between what Stevie says and what Stevie does." -MiMi

 

BONUS. When he finds out his side chick and artist(Joselin) is pregnant, he tries to convince her to get rid of the baby on account of her music career & body image knowing damn well, he was truly concerned about the effect this would have on his family and his own money.

 

"AND IN THAT ORDER!!" -Mama Dee

 

Damn, it's so sad that with all of the above reasons, women still wanna mess with a guy like this. Ariane, MimI's good friend, is constantly trying to be a voice of reason, hoping her friend finds a better love but MiMi insists on hanging on to the one she has. I guess in their own way, an ultimate dog has a reason to be loved for every reason they have to be hated. Here are a few Stevie J displays...

 

1. He's a Smooth talker. He's got a winning smile and knows when and how to use it.

 

2. He's a successful producer and is financially stable. He is a provider and supports his family.

 

3. He's the "sweetest, kindest, nicest guy when he wants to be," says MiMi.

 

4. He extremely talented and can sing his way into his women's hearts, then that piano playing gets him into their panties.

 

5. He fights for his women, goes by their job, jumps in their ride, apologizes, and tries to make things right even when they are sooo very wrong.

 

6. Knows what material goods to give his women when they are at their last straw. 

 

7. He's a romantic and knows how and when to serenade his lady with dinner, roses, and a sweet song.

 

8. He listens to his women and gives them an inkling of what they wanna hear before he hits them with something more truthful. He let's MiMi think he's gonna consider the 20% offer and makes her believe she has a say in the decisions of his production company.

 

9. He knows how to handle his business right in the bedroom. As Joselin has stated, he is a great lover and the sex is moving and powerful.

 

10. He makes each of his women feel special in their own unique ways. Stevie has each of them thinking they are #1.

 

All I know is, ladies let's get our priorities straight! Are you interested in a loyal, faithful man who truly puts you first? Or are you willing to settle for the ultimate dog who will lie and trick you into loving him in ways he doesn't deserve? Because those dudes are a dime a dozen and ain't worth much at the end of the day.

 

A good man is hard to find but if you're lucky enough to find him, you can be proud of it.

 

Tune in to Love & Hip Hop Atlanta Monday nights at 8pm on VH1 and watch the drama unfold...

 

Would you mess with a dude like Stevie J? Why or Why not? And guys, do you support Stevie's ways?

Do You Think Men Have the Ability to be Faithful?

Posted by LolaBunny on December 29, 2010 at 11:34 AM

 

Do you ladies believe men have the ability to be faithful and stay faithful? I'm getting doubtful of it just based on the experiences I've had and stories I've heard. I have so many married men try to talk to me and even some with families and kids. It's really sad. The people I thought were wholesome and true have proven otherwise over time and I' starting to doubt that fidelity is even realistic. How can I really know if a man has the ability to stay faithful to me throughout our lives together? Is it even possible?

From: DreamwivesClub.com

Tags: cheating, dating, life, married

Delete
Reply StaceyAnn
07:30 PM on December 29, 2010 
It is sad that the men who are in so called committed relationships and even worse married men blatantly offer me dates and gifts. It makes me wonder, can a man be faithful? It is alright to flirt, but when you have other intentions that are more than being friendly, there's a problem. I heard from women who have been married for 20+ years and they know that their husbands has cheated in the past and they say that every man cheats. I'm starting to believe them.
Reply LovelyTee
07:50 PM on December 29, 2010 
lol shit if there are any faithful men out there, there almost extinct. in this society it's the norm for men to have a main woman and a chick on the side. i dont trust any men at the current moment. ive been married and had my husband cheat on me and when asked why when i was doing everything a wife should be doing...he answered:greed. its really sad when you have alot of women turning to women becuase of the infidelity of men. i tend to keep looking because i hate to believe that all men are the same but unfortunately thats all ive been running into as well. age doesn't seem to matter, men just have to really be willing to have sex with one woman for a long period of time and some men just cant handle the temptation...
Reply DD.Burrell
12:12 AM on December 30, 2010 
Damn... I only hope we have a few good men out there. But my thing is, dont stop looking till you find him. I believe its possible, I know maybe a few. And in my world, its not the norm to have main chicks and side chicks. Greed is a desire we all have but most of us know how to control it. Why cant they??
Reply Sincere
10:18 AM on December 30, 2010 
It is hard for most men to be faithful because most men lack moral strength. It takes a strong man to be faithful to his women. With the media, peers and social examples it's hard to be strong in moments of weakness. Most men aren't perceptive enough to see other women's advances for what they are, ADVANCES. Instead they see them as friendly gestures, until theses friendly gestures become more and more sexually suggestive until it's too late. Infidelity in our society has a strong past and an ever present future. It is our job to find partners (they exists) that are strong morally and not dismiss the WARNING signs of a CREEPER.
Reply Dainty
01:44 AM on January 02, 2011 
mmm mmm..wow @ u ladies. I appreciate ya honesty on here. love it* I think that men have the ability it's just that some men are really effed up and don't care enough to stay faithful. They don't care that they have a sexy woman at home who cooks, cleans, takes care of the munchkins and finds the time to LOOK GOOD. But I just want to add this: if that man cheats, it's NOT YOU it's HIM. Think about it....how many men do see at work, or in the store, or that hot guy on the dance floor while your out with the girls but yet you still don't flirt or exchange numbers? Okay so that means, even though you are doing your part as a girlfriend or wife he may choose to cheat because he has the ability to be faithful but he does not want to.
Reply Dana
09:07 PM on January 15, 2011 
Absolutely men definatly have the ability to be faithful. I believe cheating derives from one of the reasons, plain old selfishness or simply a lack of self control. i think the issue is so many women in their life have accepted it as a constant to where it's been deemed acceptable.. jus think bout this if every woman left their man for cheating and it was intolerable those men would learn the hard way and absolutely change their ways. it's a two way street!
Reply Nate Da Great
09:47 PM on January 28, 2011 
Hmmm, with my experience the married women never get caught so please be mindful that cheating is not exclusive to one sex. If you're going to suggest that men can't be faithful let's go find these chicks that are going to all star weekend soon or CIAA in Charlotte, NC. Keep it real. PEOPLE cheat not just men.

Had to stand up for the faithful brothaz!!

Jackie Christie of Basketball Wives Returns!!


Dear Diary, 

This weekend I had an opportunity to meet one of the ladies of a show I once considered a favorite, Basketball Wives LA. Over the course of it debut season, I went from loving it to feeling indifferent to not feeling it all. The drama got dry after a while when the women began directing all their drama in one woman's way- Jackie Christie's. And it wasn't long before that got redundant and me, along with many others, began losing interest.

 

But I wasn't ready to give up on the ladies that easily. And meeting Jackie Christie in the flesh this weekend at Voyeur Nightclub in LA for the BET Pre-Awards Party gave me reason to stay a fan for good!

 

She was all smiles and hugs, and kept a positive attitude. It was fun, funny, and fun-loving, just as our girl-talk should be.  She acknowledged that the first season of #BBWLA was flawed but gave me promises that season 2 will have a whole fresh new vibe. And I believed her...

Check out our discussion:

Delicia: What can we expect in the next season of Baskbetball Wives LA?

Jackie: OMG It is gon' be a whole bunch of surprises. It's definitely gon' be a big turn! Everybody's expecting to see one thing, they gon' see something very different. But it's gonna be better than the 1st season.

Delicia: When does it air?

Jackie: September. We're in week 6 of shooting right now.

Delicia: Wow, so are you... any better with the other girls?

Jackie: Yeah, everybody's good. I had to SLAP one of them, I'm not gonna say who. But we're all good.

Delicia: Well, that's good to know! We're gonna look forward to that ---SLAP---. (I laugh) OMG, you guys usually keep it classy though. And this is a show that speaks to women, particularly urban women. You know we're all about it. Do you think you portray black women in the right way? Because that's a big thing...

Jackie: We will be. We definitely will be. There was a lot of animosity the first time. A lot of misunderstandings. But I'm a strong-willed person. Don't disrespect me, you know. But I think this time around, everybody knows their place and they're staying in their lane. It's all about businesses, our families, all the good stuff.

Delicia: That's the stuff that I really care about so I really hope so. I mean, I like the drama too but what propels me to the show is the fact that you guys are all different and you guys are doing [ordinary] things on a wayyy bigger level. You got big things happening with your families, your businesses, your husbands, and you guys are celebrities, It's just so exciting...

Jackie: OMG You guys are going to be very entertained and very happy by this season!

Delicia: I feel like I will be!

She went on to share her weekend whereabouts, on how she's stopping at a few exclusive events to show her support. She even mentioned she would be attending the BET Awards the following evening- unless her allergies continued to act up like it was at the moment. She was open and honest with me.

Although the show may have her perceived as a lil nutty and overbearing, she was a down to earth woman with a dramatic edge. She stated how "blessed and happy" she felt to be where she is today. And with a faithful man who re-marries her every year, a successful show re-airing on VH1 this fall, and her joyful spirit- who can blame her?! Btw, I hear Jackie and her husband Doug Christie (retired Los Angeles Lakers, Sacramento Kings) are getting into the porn business! Not as on screen talent but as producers... Juicy! Let's see how that goes.

Delicia: One last question, Are you good with Shaunie O'Neal?

Jackie: Oh, I love Shaunie. Yes, we're really good friends, that's my sister. I have nothing but good things to say about her. I know people pick on her but all she is, is executive producer of a series and it has a life of its own. It doesn't reflect her. 

Enough said! I thanked Jackie Christie for sharing and for being oh so real with me about the show, her friendships, and her blessed life altogether. Lol.

Let's all tune in this September 2012 to VH1 and see how season 2 of Basketball Wives LA pans out! Draya, Laura, Gloria, Malaysia, Kimsha, Imani, and Jackie will hopefully have us in for the addictive treat we're missing! 

Will you tune in to season 2 of Basketball Wives LA?

FOLLOW ME @THEDOLLDIVA

Follow me on Instagram & Twitter @theDollDiva

Chapter 5: A Black Power Partnership Forms...

Dear Diary,

I have been so inspired lately by many of the black power movements being made. Jay Z & Beyonce holding a fundraising event at the 40/40 for Barack Obama. Wendy Williams' moving into Martha Stewart's old studio and expanding her show. The Brooklyn Nets debut at the brand new Barclay's Center in Brooklyn, NY! #RHOA premiering this Fall!! And the latest one that took me by pleasant surprise- Oprah and Tyler Perry partnering up on the Oprah Winfrey Network! I mean those are 2 highly successful powerhouses teaming up to make a great thing even greater. I have never been more proud...
 


But a part of me feels left out and left behind. You see, Oprah has always been my inspiration. I've admired her since I was a little girl, not just for her grace and speaking skills, but also for her story, her struggle, and her success. She has broken down barriers for black women in media that no one else has and she's been a constant motivation to me over the past 20 years. Yes, I was about 7 when I did a report on Ms. Winfrey and learned about how she was changing the world and the way we think, one interview at a time.

 

For as long as I can remember, that has been my goal. And it's taking a whole lot longer that I'd expected to reach it. I feel like l've been doing all the right things, by going to college, studying journalism, paying my dues in the industry by interning, then working for huge media companies such as BET News and Warner Bros., even making major television show appearances. But still, it has not been enough. I keep getting rejected, interrupted, and disappointed as I'm fighting for my chance to make a big impact in media. I have the skill, the determination, the passion, the drive, and the look- but still, I am fighting for my dream and feeling defeated.

 

Lately, I was angered by the BET "The Search" competition, in which they advertised they were looking for new hosts to replace Terrence & Roxy. I mean, I busted my tail submitting a stunning audition video- actually 3- without much technical skills but still showcasing my hosting potential. Then I find out from a BET insider that the competition is rigged and they have pre-selected hosts from radio stations around the country who also have lots of Twitter followers!! I was like, damn after all my years hating Twitter, now I need Twitter to get a job?! UGH SMH! It was a little unfair in my eyes, because some of the contenders worked hard to audition, just for us not even to be considered. And believe me, I contacted Stephen Hill directly to let him know how I felt about this.

 

Then I reflected back to some of my past endeavors leading up to this...

 

In 2006, producing an anti-violence documentary called Music Vs. Violence with Liberty Studios in New York City. Me and my girl Dominique grinded so hard to get hard hitting interviews from everyday people struggling with violence & abuse along with big celebrities supporting the movement such as Ne-Yo, Mary J. Blige, Cousin Jeff, and Rev Run. But somewhere throughout that production, the studios' producer who was heading the project with us, ended up getting tangled up in some legal troubles which affected us greatly. That scandal pretty much took a lot of credibility from us and the studio so the project slowly but surely, got shut down.

 

Throughout the years following, I started my own business and was able to establish a lucrative way to live my dreams while also making a living for myself. I continued to audition and submit myself for projects in the arts & entertainment field, awaiting my chance to be noticed as a world renowned journalist.

 

In 2011, I was given an opportunity to produce a reality show pilot for the Lifetime Television network. I casted a passionate team of young women and partnered up with a supposedly professional producer to shoot the pilot. We spent much of the spring & summer shooting scenes for the show. We had lots of great footage, a good storyline, a unique concept, and an open opportunity for this show to air. As the deadline neared, the producer refused to complete his role in this project, then disappeared with our footage. Our rare opportunity slipped out of our fingers. But luckily, we had a contract which will put that producer in quite a hole if he ever tries to use our creative ideas or footage for his own selfish use. But still, it was another roadblock.

 

It seems as though all along, I have worked with the wrong team of people. People who claim to have a skill and a passion, who truly want to succeed but clearly, their idea of "winning" differs greatly from mine. I am so hungry for my chance and am willing to put in every bit of the work it takes to get there. I have no plans of giving up on my dreams either so please don't believe any of these unfortunate experiences are gonna stop me.

 

I compare myself to successes such as Oprah Winfrey and Tyler Perry for a reason. Because they were not handed their opportunities either. They worked for it, they persevered, and they stayed determined. And every time I even consider letting the doubt, disappointment, and dead ends get the best of me; I think about them and remember that the destination I'm headed for is worth the tumultuous journey. These experiences are building me up to make and keep me strong.

 

I'm so hopeful that one day, I'll be in the headlines along with my homies and a new Black Power Partnership will form between Oprah Winfrey, Tyler Perry, and Delicia Davis Burrell.

 

XOXO

 

Originally Posted by Delicia Davis Burrell on October 14, 2012 at 8:05am on DiaryDiscussions.com

Chapter 4: Not Back in Action, Still in Action!

Dear Diary,

 

 
I know it's been a while since I've shared the intimate details of my life with you but I'm back! And I hope you don't think I just got lazy on you. I have been so busy these past few months, not only taking care of the fam, but I was getting pretty overwhelmed with all my projects. I felt it was time for me to do a little self reflection and hone in ONE skill I wanted to pursue. And I decided on writing!
 
With the discovery of my primary passion to write, I soon landed a freelance position for the parenting magazine, Mommy Noire (MommyNoire.com) and that has required a whole lot of time, thought, and effort. Having to create engaging content on the regular and meet deadlines were quite a challenge at first. But I got the hang of it and truly embraced the new career path I was leading towards. I also started and finished the first book in my "Dear Diary" book series, filmed a 30 minute TV special documentary to promote the book, prepared for my feature on the Dr. Oz show (which airs today at 4pm on FOX!), reached out to several brands about endorsing my websites (stay tuned to find out which ones signed on!), planned a ladies only Bahamas cruise trip for 2013 (you're all invited!), added the finishing touches on the premiere book from my Baby Burrell book line (which launches on November 11 at their 1st birthday party), launched my new website (DDBurrell.com), and am currently planning the most amazing 1st birthday party my lil princes could ever have! I know it sounds like a lot but I'm loving every minute of it!
 
 
Don't worry though, I work hard but also play hard. Recently, I've been enjoying connecting with great friends of mine. We are building a loyal network of thriving socialites who love to have a good time! We've been working out together, going out on the town, shopping, relishing in fabulous brunches, and spending time with each other's kids. And most of all, we've been uplifting and inspiring each other to do great things. I have been doing lots of public speaking engagements, dance performances, and working hard to expand my brand as a world renowned journalist. It's been a lot of hard work and there are times when I feel the results don't measure up to the amount of work I am putting in. But I am so grateful to have a strong support team who encourages me to keep on keeping on.
 
 
I know I have a mission in this world. I have a story to tell and a message to share... The first one being on the issue of bullying. And with my first book addressing this social issue, I am so eager to get it published. At this point, I am seeking a literary agent and am praying I come across one soon! I plan to launch by winter 2013, with or without a major publisher. There are just so many amazing ideas I have in store. I can no longer hold them in...
 

XOXO

 

Originally Posted by Delicia Davis Burrell on October 4, 2012 at 2:22pm on DiaryDiscussions.com

Chapter 3: Dear Diary, Past Tears to Future Cheers

As a child, I was constantly searching to find myself. It took many years to realize my self worth. Although I was smart, friendly, talkative, and talented, it seemed like no one knew. Not even me.

 

I always had friends, but I often felt alone. I had lots of family, but I felt so disconnected. I would travel, but I felt very confined. I just didn't recognize the wonders of the world that surrounded me. Nor did it seem as though anyone else could see it either. So I became extremely insecure.

 

As I got older, I became wiser. I realized I had two parents who showed me love and friends who gave me support. And I appreciated those around me, but I still had an issue with me. I wanted to be a better person- a better child, a better sister, a better student, and a better friend. So I tried to be, but no matter how hard I tried, I felt I was not good enough.

When high school rolled around, I still carried that low self esteem around and for that, it was easy for others to bring me down. I truly cared about the opinions of others, and used their ill thoughts and actions toward me as a true measure of who I was. I was hurt when my friends got mad at me, people talked bad about me, or when I would get into a fight with my siblings. I was discouraged by bad grades, rejection from guys, and when people took my kindness for weakness. I thought, what did I do wrong? What can I do better? How can I measure up? And I spent many days with tears in my eyes because I didn't think I ever would.

 

Thing is, I never gave up. Because deep down, I knew my worth. It was sad that I'd allowed others to devalue me for so long. However, I never lost sight of the greatness I had inside. That love from my family and that support from good friends was deeply rooted inside me, and it was just a matter of time before I let it surface. And when it did, I finally realized how smart I truly was, how loving and friendly I'd always been, how talkative and outgoing I became, and how talented I'm still becoming.

 

Even as I reflect on the past tears I cried over this, I smile about my future cheers. To know what I came from and how much pain I endured, I know now that God has given me a lot to be grateful for. And I appreciate every experience because without it, I wouldn't have the life lessons, the joy, the strength, and the wisdom I have today.

 

Share some of your "past tears" and "future cheers" with us...

Chapter 2: Dear Diary, I Couldn't Afford to Fail

Failure has never been an option for me. So when I faced losing a dream I worked many years for- it was extremely difficult for me- but I had to do it. Opening Dream Discovery Studios was not quite what I'd hoped for so it came time to let go.

 

May 8, 2011 was a proud day for me. I was thrilled to have the support of friends, fam, and community supporters for the opening of my very own performing arts studio. I had been in business for 3 and a half years and I knew from the start that this was what I wanted. It was always my dream open a multi-faceted performing arts center for youth and young adults to indulge in the arts. I had built up my clientele and knew this was the next step. NY1 News was there to broadcast this great accomplishment, Councilman Leroy Comrie was representing for the St. Albans community, Reverend Simmons for the St. Albans Congregational Church, and several newspapers were there to do stories on me.

 

But shortly after that joyous day in May, I was second guessing my decision. For one, I found out I was pregnant! And that didn't mean much at the time, but the bigger I got and weaker I became, I realized this wouldn't be easy. I wasn't able to service my clientele with the fitness programs they love like dance aerobics and hip hop... because I soon found out I was having TWINS which put me in "high risk" status. That meant I had to take it Real easy...

 

So preparing for my Summer Studio programs became quite a burden... moving equipment, organizing boxes, setting up my office, and handing out flyers on the street was very difficult for me. And eventually, when summer came, the heat was blazing, my belly was growing, and I had quite a handful of children to work with everyday, Monday-Friday 8:30am to 3. Meanwhile, also working full time at my job as the acting Center Manager from 2pm-10pm everyday...

 

So, the Summer Studio was set to begin... bringing daily lessons in art, music, dance, and drama; in hopes of creating a summer's end performance. After a tedious interviewing process, I finally selected a group of staff to emulate the methods of teaching I had in place. But soon after being hired, there was one instructor who talked a good game and couldn't deliver. Could you believe after 2 weeks, the drama teacher couldn't come up with a concept for our play? She was supposedly on Broadway for 15 years and has worked with the richest and the most talented children. It was tough, but I had to let her go! We had only 6 weeks to put together a performance and she kept complaining that the students didn't have what it takes. "We could work with 1 or 2 of them," she said. But I knew every child there had potential, so without her help, we were gonna make it happen.


Shortly after we lost our acting coach, one of our dance instructors got into a bad car accident and could no longer work with us. That was the kids favorite teacher! But soon after, I found Vanessa Art, an artist who got the kids really inspired. She face painted, taught makeup art, and gave the kids lots of creative control.
 


From there, we kept facing one issue after another. Water damages in my office, behavioral problems with the kids, instructors coming unprepared, conflict amongst the creative groups, parents not picking up their kids. Then late payments and bounced checks... That was a scary time for me because my staff had to paid nonetheless. And I hadn't accounted for all these setbacks.

 

All that, while I was getting too weak to fight the issues. I tried my best to get through the summer and eventually, we did end the summer with a wonderfully creative performance named by the students, "The Dream Discovery Game Show".

 

 

The parents were so proud, and some were astonished by what their children were capable of. They were so hyped that they asked if I was considering holding the summer program a 7th week.. and at their request, I did. But that was a BIG mistake. Most of the parents who made the suggestion, never returned that next week. And with just a small group of kids attending, I was barely cutting it to pay my staff. But I did. I'm a woman of my word, so I found a way.

 

What made matters worse was the Fall. I had 1,000 flyers printed and although I had a whole marketing plan written out to promote the next session of programs, I had no energy to carry it out.

 

So the Fall Studio programs got a slow start. With all the promotional discounts I was offering, I was losing BIG time and I knew something had to be done.

 

By the time I was 9 months pregnant, I was thinking less about the present dilemma I was in and more about the future of the studio. If it was this tough now, what am I gonna do when I have 2 young children to take care of? How will I split my time between my babies and this business? And do I really want to?

At that point, I made a decision not to take time away from my unborn children but to close the studio once and for all. And I wasn't mad about it either. I was actually relieved to be let out of my lease early and excited to embark on a new journey- motherhood.

Dream Discovery Studios hallway

 

I couldn't afford to fail at this business. Nor could I afford to fail at being a great mom and drain myself of energy. So at 9 and a half months pregnant, I got my team, packed my things, and moved out the studio. I had no disappointment, no remorse, and no feelings of failure. Sometimes you just have to realize when things are going downward, you have the power to move them in a whole new direction.

 

I had accomplished a great thing at Dream Discovery Studios and learned a lot along the way. I changed the lives of many young people and lived my dream of opening up that performing arts studio I've always wanted to. But my dream changed along the way. I wanted to take my life in a new direction, and it began here at home with my family.

 

More about my Performing Arts Company at www.ppgdreams.com

 

New Chapter of my Diary posted every week!

(Originally Posted by Delicia Davis on March 10, 2012 at 10:31pm in Dear Diaries: Doll)

Chapter 1: Dear Diary, This is a Doll's Life

Living the life of a high society socialite isn't easy. It isn't all about Louboutins and Chanel, caviar and fine wine. For me, it's also about making the right connections, being invited to elaborate events, and taking part in community affairs. You have to earn and maintain the wealth, power, and respect everyone wants. All while staying relevant and looking good. These are some of the most demanding aspects of my life and everyday is a challenge to meet them.

 

People believe that when you reach a certain level of success, life is a breeze. But for me, it isn't so. Success is a journey that has no end and my journey toward living the fabulous life of a leading entrepreneur and entertainer is just getting started.

 

To own your own home, drive a fancy car, and run your own company is not enough for a African American woman like myself. Especially not a brown skinned woman at that. People dont expect a young black woman to have it all, some even think I don't deserve it. But I come from a family of hard workers who earned their status, their wealth, and their respect. And we will not let anyone take that away from us.

 

In my world, you are easily judged for your flaws and devalued by your mistakes. For this reason, I have had major trust issues with friends over the years and cannot seem to shake the hate from females all around me. It's like every time I try to take a step forward, there's some jealous chick (and even some dudes believe it or not) trying to take me down. Whether its blatant or underhanded, I sense that negativity and run far from it. Instead of letting it get me down, I've always expressed my deepest thoughts and opinions in the pages of my diary- a place I can easily let go and share the depths of my heart & mind. In this world, it's so important to share yourself and show confidence at all times, never allowing people's ill thoughts or actions get the best of you.

 

As the CEO of an entertainment arts company, I am always on my grind and on the scene. I represent a huge brand of performing artists, writers, and performers so image is everything to me. I've been featured on NY1 News, in the Queens Ledger newspaper, I've been nominated for leadership awards, featured on local television shows, recognized by politicians and community leaders, and I'm always out and about being photographed so I've always got to keep myself in shape and looking good.

 

Running a business in this industry requires strength and skill, and society will hate you for possessing them both. But I've been working hard for over 4 years to build this thriving business. And I have decided that now is a great time to expand. Some may think that me having recently given birth to my precious little twin boys is gonna stop me, or even slow me down, but little do they know, it propels me to think bigger. With the support of my fam & friends and the determination I wear on my back, nothings stopping me now. I know where I come from and where I'm headed so somehow, I've gotta see my dreams unfold. Its a dog-eat-dog world but I'm not scared, I'm more than ready to live out this big city dream... I'm delighted to share the ins and outs of my journey with you through this Diary. As I strive for success, countless challenges stand in my way but I'm hoping I can knock them down and keep on pushing forth.

 

What's standing in the way of your dreams?

 

(Originally Posted by Delicia B. Davis on February 23, 2012 at 9:51pm in Dear Diaries: Doll)

Are "All Black Women Lazy"?

Posted by DD.Burrell on February 21, 2011 at 10:57 AM  

A black male friend of mine made the very general statement noted in the title above, "All Black women are lazy". I was so offended by this statement and at how ignorant a black man who has a black mother and black sisters has to be to say something like that. Me, as a hardworking African American sister, was appalled by the fact that a black man can say that while raising black women in his family, living amongst black sisters, and trying to find himself a good black woman.

 

Then a friend of mine was telling me how many men she's come across that feel this way about us. I refuse to believe that. I know for a fact I'm not lazy, but I know women of ALL races that actually can be classified that way. It's so unfair for our own men, born to and raised by black women can say something like that about such a huge general group. A man has to have a little self hatred to say something like that about his own people. I'm sure they have probably dealt with a few lazy women... by their OWN choice... but it's just wrong to classify our entire race based on a few bad experiences.

 

I know for a fact that I am not lazy therefore there's no way "All Black women are Lazy." But what do you think and feel about this statement and the notion of Black Men saying this about their own women?

Is Reality TV Going Too Far??!!

Since the likes of "Survivor", "Big Brother", and "The Real World" in 1999-2000, reality television became a HUGE success. Television stations and producers realized that they could save a whole lot of money by casting non-actors to live an unconventional lifestyle in front of cameras. They would hardly have to pay the cast anything, they didn't have to film in a studio, they didn't need a set, and locations could vary as they please. This "unscripted" television format became the new way of the entertainment world and still continues on today.

 

Thing is, reality is said to have been taken too far. Young teens are getting pregnant just to gain a spot on a show. Grown women are fighting. Friendships are breaking. People are skipping out on college and higher education for their chance to become a reality star. Families are exploiting themselves and their children. People are selling out their goals, morals, and privacy for these reality shows.

 

It seems as if the only way for entertainers to advance themselves and gain any real exposure or promotion for their true talent, they must have a reality show. Everyone's doing it. And those who aren't want to.

 

Wendy Williams has stated that she is done with certain reality shows such as "Basketball Wives", "Love & Hip Hop", and "Bad Girls Club" which promotes violence among grown women. She doesn't appreciate these shows for the hair pulling, girl fights, and table jumping. And I agree, it's extremely immature and doesn't relate to my life or the life I want to live AT ALL. We believe there's plenty of great reality TV that doesn't stoop that low to entertain us. "The Real Housewives" franchise being just one.

 

Speaking of which, have you heard, Kim Zolciak, Kandi Burrus, and Lisa Vanderpump are all getting spin-offs?! KIm will be documenting her life with Kroy and their family as she prepares to be wed in Atlanta. Sheree is set to be one of her bridesmaids. The show is to be called, "Don't be Tardy for the Wedding". Kandi will be helping wannabe pop stars become the next Kim Zoliciak and will assist them with production in her studio. Her show is to be called, "The Kandi Factory". Lisa will be documenting the ins and outs of expanding her new restaurant, SUR. Will you be watching? or Do you think these women are overexposed? What reality stars do you think are?

Pauly D of "The Jersey Shore"'s spin-off aired last week, "The Pauly D Project". And Eden from "Toddlers & Tiaras" just 7 years old and retired from pageants then landed her own show too, "Eden's World" to be aired on Logo.

 

Overall, what do you think of reality television? Would you do a reality show if given the opportunity? And do you ever think you'll get tired of these shows? What is going too far?

"Think Like A Man" Movie Review

On April 20, 2012, "Think Like a Man" debuted with the #1 spot making $33 million its debut weekend. And thank heavens! Because with all the promotion they did, they couldn't afford not to have the top spot!

 

I, for one, had to support Steve Harvey's based-on-a-book movie because every other white book turned to movie turns to profit right away.

 

And the movie didn't disappoint. It was full of laughs and lots of truthful advice from the man's mouth to every lady's mind. Kevin Hart added an especially entertaining tidbit which had us all dying from start to finish. Many black actors and entertainers stepped on the scene but most importantly, Morris Chestnut made a surprising appearance which was a pleasant surprise to every woman in the theater. The older that man gets, the finer he becomes. Whew!

 

So, what did I learn? That overall, every man has his downfalls but it doesn't mean he can't change. Whether he's broke, a player, a momma's boy, or an immature non-commiter- he is capable of evolving into a Real Man. Thing is, how long is a woman supposed to wait around for that to happen? And how does a woman know he's capable at all?

 

Relationships are tough because it truly is a game of chance... but I've always believed the gamble is worth it in the end.

 

My only critique was that the couples in the film didn't really match each other. Gabrielle Union & her man Jerry Ferrera was an unlikely pair and Taraji Henson looked a lot older than Michael Ealy. Kevin Hart & Wendy just worked for comic relief, and Romany Malco didn't really seem like the "player" type he was supposed to be. But whatever, GREAT MOVIE overall, funny, entertaining, and enlightening...

 

Did you learn anything about thinking like a man and acting like a lady from this film??

Women=Unstable Creatures?? 5 Ways Not to Be

 

Guys have long since been labeling women as unstable creatures and it's time we try to understand why and what we can do about this. Our emotional roller coasters and random mood swings are obviously a buzz kill so we have to woman up and try to change.

I can certainly understand why men have named us "unstable". It seems like as women, we are always beefing with one another, starting catty drama, pressing simple issues, overacting to small situations, or crying over something "stupid". Can't we toughen up and be the strong independent women we keep claiming to be?

Let's try these 5 techniques to working our way to stability. If it will help mankind get more in-tune with us, without the fear of us transforming into She-monster, it's worth a try ain't it?

 

 

1) Stop Beefing. We have to start empowering each other as women. Stick together more, trust each other more, and build positive bonds. Women fighting has never been attractive, except on reality TV, and certainly isn't classy. The more we down each other, the sooner men lose respect for both parties. Just be that positive chick who has confidence in herself, stop competing with others if you know you got it.

 

2) Keep the Drama to a Minimum. We cannot avoid drama. It's something that comes with the life of a socialite. If you have friends or family, you will have drama. But don't let everyone's drama take over your life. Don't let your drama be all you talk about. And certainly, don't let your drama become your man's problem. Keep it to a minimum, mention it as if it's as insignificant as it should be. ex. "Oh yea, and I really don't like that chick. She always has something to say... but whatever, she has no affect on my life." And keep it moving.

 

3) Be Strong. We have many, many battles to fight over the course of a day. As girlfriends, wives, mothers, employees, businesswomen, mothers, teachers, and breadwinners; times get hard. But we are built for it- so we have to be proud of all the weight we pull and display our strength before our weakness. Save the tears for those truly burdening days. Once in a blue, we're allowed a chance to be vulnerable to our men, it reminds them how much we really do take on. And gives him a chance to comfort us and truly connect with what we're feeling on a regular basis. Just don't overdo it. Remember, men can't handle the emotional burden as well as we do ourselves. ;-)

 

4) Don't Press the Small Stuff. We all have had those times when we nitpick and scope out a small problem and won't let it go. Well, it's time to set it free. Make the most of your quality times with loved ones- not arguing or pressing small issues- but instead, communicating what's wrong, truly listening to his response, then moving forward. Trust what your partner says because if he is in fact lying, believe me, it will reveal itself soon enough. Just do your part, being an easygoing, honest, stable woman.

 

5) Don't Overact. We can sometimes dramatize situations in the heat of a moment but this is where we really have to put in work. Stop overreacting to the daily trials and tribulations of life. Understand that we all are dealing with our version of struggle and in our unique ways, we must overcome them. Don't let your 1st instinct of anger be Violence, Rage, or Destruction. Take a moment, a quick moment, to realize whatever he did to make you angry is his problem and the minute you react like a maniac, now you also have a problem. Give him a chance to see you calm and collect in the heat of an argument. Believe me, he will be wondering what's up when he sees you silent or reserved and be begging for forgiveness before he can figure out what your next move is.

 

Whatever you do- Remain Emotionally Stable!!

 

What are some things that have you stepping of balance?

Can We Truly Be Happy in a Relationship w/o Sex??

Someone wrote in to us at advice@diarydiscussions.com and raised an interesting topic that we felt should be left open for discussion... Can we truly be happy in a relationship without sex?

 

I must say, this question can't be answered with a simple Yes or No. I feel this kind of relationship is solely based on the wants and needs of the 2 parties involved.

 

Most people will automatically read this question and think, HELL NOOO! But to be honest, I personally feel you can be happy in a relationship without sex. And many people actually are. I mean, if your relationship is a somewhat healthy one, there are many many different factors about your partner that may fulfill you- your emotional connection, the attraction, the quality time, the intellectual bond, the financial stability, their physical being, their unique style, their character, their social impact, the kids you share ... I mean, sex is just 1 thing- 1 very important thing. And many couples remain happy in a relationship whether or not their partners can fulfill their every sexual need.

 

So the question is, if you and your partner are not connecting sexually, and you are unhappy, you need to explore the WHY NOT?s

 

Why not?? Are you not attracted to each other sexually? What can he do to make you more sexually attracted to him? What can you do to make him more sexually attracted to you? Do you make time for each other? Are you setting the mood? Are you unhappy with the way he tries to please you? Does he not have the right equipment? Have you not communicated what he can do to work with what he's got? Does he know where your spot is? Did you tell him what turns you on? Are you that hard to please??!! Seriously, think about these...

 

and when you do, then you need to know HOW are you fulfilling the void? Because we all need a little sex every once in a while... and some of us a lot more than others. Whether you're doing the pleasuring on your own or outsourcing it, its time to drop that secondary love thing and get you some 1st Class loving. You deserve that Red Hot connection you're longing for with your partner. And you can get it.

 

Try to recall what brought you two together in the first place. Then check back on the "WHY NOT"s and make it happen tonight with these 3 simple steps...

 

Step 1: Get Ready to Talk... this could take hours but its worth it to reconnect. Communication is key!

 

Step 2: Set the Mood... whether that means lighting some candles, turning up the music, putting on fancy lingerie, popping a bottle, checking into a hotel, or taking a vacation; set the scene for your total comfort and pleasure.

 

Step 3: Get Sexual... Dont hold back. Try something new. Do what he/she loves. Enjoy!

 

Are You Willing to Wait for a Commitment?

The question has come up in conversations, blogs, experiences, and now the recent movie, "Think Like a Man"- How long are you willing to wait for a commitment?

 

When CoCo posted it as a "Question of the Day", there were lots of mixed responses ranging from weeks to months, to a year.

 

Well, to be honest, a woman shouldn't have to wait at all. Right around the time that you two start openly discussing the notion of marriage, living together, having a child, or whatever groundbreaking step you may wanna take, your mate should be right along the trail with you. It shouldn't take another year or 2 for him to decide whether your life plan falls in line with his. He should just KNOW.

 

Even if he needs a few days to think about how to do it or what changes he needs to make for things to move ahead smoothly, GREAT! At least he's made up his mind and is taking action. But if he's pushing back dates, changing his mind, and leaving you waiting, RED FLAG! There's a problem.

 

A man always knows what he wants when he wants it. If he's too immature and unstable to take the steps you wanna take- Girl you have to step up and take matters into your own hands. Sometimes that means, the Big ULTIMATUM or LEAVING... because sometimes that's the only way to show a man you mean business! And that's up to you. But if you choose to do nothing but WAIT, you have no one to blame when 3, 7, 10 more years goes by and you're still unhappy in the place that you're in. And all you're girls have done wed, had kids, and lived the life you always wanted.

 

All I'm saying is- Don't be waiting too long. More importantly, don't have HIM thinking you are willing to.

 

So, how long are YOU willing to wait?

Is It Possible to Be Single & Satisfied?

Dear Diary,

As a woman, there are some things I've craved having all my life. #1 being, A good man. We all want a career, a family, and that fairytale everlasting love. But for some of us, that's not how the story goes. We go most our lives wishing for it and wanting something we may never receive. We may get one thing we want and not the other. Is it possible to be single & satisfied?

 

I believe a girl can have it all, but how long does she have to wait?!! And if she doesn't get it, will she ever be happy?

 

In order to find bliss without love, women need to make a conscious decision to do so. We have to promise ourselves that we won't ignore the simple pleasures of life just because we haven't reached the ultimate ones.

Here are my Fave 5 Ways to Stay Single & Satisfied...

 

1) Stay in the Game

 

Continue going out, meeting guys, dating, and keeping good friends around you. These are the joys that will keep you in the game and encouraged daily. There's no telling how, when, or where you're gonna meet Mr. Right. Be open-minded but never too desperate and available. Enjoy the chase of finding a good partner and remember it's a numbers game...

 

2) Keep Yourself Busy

 

Get in tune with your best skills and hobbies. Keep yourself busy by joining clubs or groups dedicated to the things you love doing. It's always good to have your own thing going on- whether you're single or not. You always have to do something for you.

 

3) Take Interest in Loved Ones

 

You will always, Always have family. Whether you get along with them on not, whether they're far or near, they will always be there. Take all the time you can honing in on those relationships and keeping those family ties. The dynamic of family changes when you're with someone and you may not have as much time to establish your immediate family relationships when you're building a new one. So take advantage of the single life and enjoy your parents, your siblings, grands, nieces, nephews, cousins, etc. Those are relationships that can and should never be severed.

 

4) Travel a Bit

 

There's nothing to take your mind off of everyday trials like travelling! Get your closest girlfriends and get away! You will meet plenty new faces and see lots of new places. Take a road trip, a cruise, or go away to a new city or even another country even if just for a weekend. You will remember how many wonderful things there are in life to enjoy even if not with a man.

 

5) Keep in Mind that Love is Closer than you Think

 

Always remember that relationships are not the end-all in life. Getting into a relationship, a marriage even, is not easy and will NOT guarantee a lifetime of happiness- but you do. And the decisions you make as an individual and as a team with your life partner will determine whether you will make it through til the end. There are just as many unhappy married people as there are single people so don't believe jumping into a relationship will solve all your problems and fill all your voids.

 

Make the decision to be happy alone and accept it. Only then will getting into a relationship be icing on the cake- a wholesome uncompromising pleasure that will, God's willing, last a lifetime.

 

And keep in mind that Loving yourself -indefinitely- lasts forever and that love is a lot closer than you think.

 

Do you feel you can be single & satisfied?

5 Signs of A Cheater

We are often the victims of heartbreak and it sucks! When our loved one turns out to be a cheater, we all wonder "why me?" when it happens. We want to know why they did it and why we didn't see the signs. Thing is, the signs of a cheater is usually staring us in the face but most the time, we refuse to accept and acknowledge it.

Guys could be sneaky about it but girls are usually smart. We have to notice the changes in our relationships and the red flag signals. I've picked up on a few over the years and will supply you with 5 surefire signs of a cold blooded cheater...

 

#1 If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you. Don't you ladies know a guy who was in a relationship when he met you and was looking to find the next best thing- you- and will continue looking for the next best while he's with you? A dog is a dog and if he had the audacity to do it once, what makes you think he won't do it again?

 

#2 If he has a wandering eye, believe me, he's looking for something. It's only a matter of time until he finds it. And I'm not talking about a glance across a room. We all do that. We may be cuffed but we aren't blind. It's okay for your significant other to be aware of his surroundings so a glance is normal. But when those eyes keep following the ass, tits, lips, etc. of women on a regular basis, he is on the prowl. Let him know you notice it and ask him what he's looking for that he don't already have. Because soon enough, that look may turn into a touch...

 

#3 Extreme Jealousy is a sign of a guilty party. When your mate is so jealous about the guys you come into contact with and can't shake the thought of you cheating from his head, chances are he's acting on his own guilt... either that or he's insecure which is a whole 'nother issue. If he's checking your phone, monitoring your male interactions, starting fights that end with him leaving the house, and making accusations without good reason; he may be expressing the guilt of his own wrongdoings. If you're innocent and have made it clear in both words or actions, it's time to turn the questions back on him.

 

#4 You're with a weak and insecure man who doesn't appreciate what he's got. This is one of the most common signs of a cheater but most women ignore this, not realizing the danger we're in. A weak man will fall for anything and won't be able to stand up to peer pressure, temptation, or rejection. They don't appreciate what they've got because they're insecure and don't believe they have achieved enough even when they have a good, strong, quality woman on their arm. They are constantly looking for validation and find that only when they can conquer some new booty... instead of seeking to find it within themselves. Well ladies, be on the lookout, this kind of cheater comes in all forms. Seek out a strong, secure man who knows what he wants.

 

#5 He doesn't want you, respect you, or appreciate you. If you're with someone who does not treat you with the dignity, respect, and love that you deserve, chances are- he doesn't believe you deserve it. If at one point in your relationship, he did right by you but now he's not treating you the same, something is wrong. Either he lost interest, he doesn't love you, want you, or appreciate you. He probably keeps you around just to have some sideline booty but if you're not getting top-pick treatment, you probably aren't his top pick. Don't be foolish enough to believe you can change him and that this is what's normal. Love does NOT hurt. Love is patient. Love is kind. And if you are feeling like he isn't totally fulfilled, he probably isn't. Don't waste any more of your time in a relationship that isn't right. Approach the issues and if you aren't getting the responses you deserve, move on!

 

BONUS #6!!! If you suspect something's wrong and have good reason to believe your man is doing wrong, HE MOST LIKELY IS!!

 

NOTE: The previous signs of a cheater are valid for both men and women.

Posted on DiaryDiscussions.com on April 4, 2012 at 4:19pm in Love & Relationships

Do You Always Know Where Your Man's At?

"Where you at?", "Where you been?", "What time you coming back?", "Who you been with?" I think we've all heard these questions from our partner and if not, we've definitely asked them.

 

We feel it's our right to know where our man has been, what he's been doing, and with who? Can you blame us though? We are best friends, partners, and trusted confidants. So if we ask a question out of sincerity or curiosity, and not jealousy or distrust, why wouldn't he want to answer?

 

Well, I've had this conversation recently with a few guys who feel that their women should not ask these questions at all. They believe its a sign of distrust and a polite way of prying. They don't think we honestly want to discuss the details of their day but instead want to dig for dirt! How shameful, right?

 

Well, I would only ask next, why wouldn't you disclose this info? What are you hiding? And wouldn't you expect to know the same from me? Dudes say they shouldn't have to disclose all the details of their day if you trust them. They say they aren't hiding but just want to leave some parts of their life private.

 

And I would believe them if they can answer the last question correctly- Would you expect the same details from me? If he honestly says No, maybe we can cut him some slack. Because if he trusts you that much not to want to know who you hanging with and where, let's at least put that to the test... See how many nights you can go out without him wondering the whos and whereabouts of your outings.

 

Point blank, if he expects you to divulge your intimate details- he better be doing the same. Let's be fair. There are no double standards in my world.

 

Men and women, what do you think? Do you need to know where your partner's at all the time? And do you feel both parties are allowed privacy in a relationship? Or complete disclosure? Are the rules different for married couples?

Stevie J: The Ultimate Dog: 10 Reason Ladies Hate (& Love) Him

Dear Diary,

 

It's so sickening the way guys play out their women. They will take a perfectly good quality woman, turn her into wifey and the mother of their kids, then before long when she's comfortably locked down, she's becomes a baby momma or just their chick, and they do her so dirty.

It's disheartening how blatantly Stevie J does this on VH1's Love & Hip Hop Atlanta. I don't know real the scenarios in the show are, but the portrayal of Stevie J doggin' out his two women- MiMi and Joselin- is real enough to make me mad!

Here are 10 reasons why ladies hate Stevie J: The Ultimate Dog...

1. Stevie J is with a woman, MiMi, who loves him despite his lack of honesty and respect, and he takes her for granted. She wants to be there for him day in and day out but yet, he chooses to seek out that love in other places. “Long nights, girls, liquor, Lord knows what else,” said Mimi. “If it was just money he was getting in the studio I wouldn’t be mad at that. But it’s way more than money he’s getting.”

2. Gives his main lady, MiMi, a home wayyy outside the city where he works & screws his artist, thinking MiMi's gonna be happy about the fact that this new home drives a bigger wedge in their relationship. It's as if he's saying, "Shut the f#ck up and be a good dog and do what I say." -MiMi

3. He says he will start coming home, "a little bit more" when MiMI asks if he will be sharing their home with their daughter as a family.

4. He has a main lady in his life and is allowing the side chick to call him, "Daddy" in front of mixed company and mutual friends.

5. He shows up at an event with his side chick when he knows his woman, MiMi, is there celebrating with her friends. He's catering to the side chick, putting her jacket on, calling her, and sticking by her while MiMi is fleeing the scene.

6. He gets caught in the midst of a lie about kissing the side chick in public and completely denies it in front of the witness and all parties involved.
7. While his main lady is searching for him after finding out about his side chick, he is going after the side chick, begging her to stick around.

 

8. He took a girl out of the strip club to give her a "better life" but is still pimping her, only now he's compensating his "hoe" with studio time.

9. He called Erica a b*tch and a slut monkey for no reason.

10. He sweet talks the pants off all his women and just plants his lies all over the place. All his dirt embarrases MiMi and leaves her vulnerable to second baby mama drama, disloyalty, and everytime she's out, she got somebody dishing dirt to her about her man. "There's a big difference between what Stevie says and what Stevie does." -MiMi

BONUS. When he finds out his side chick and artist(Joselin) is pregnant, he tries to convince her to get rid of the baby on account of her music career & body image knowing damn well, he was truly concerned about the effect this would have on his family and his own money.

"AND IN THAT ORDER!!" -Mama Dee

Damn, it's so sad that with all of the above reasons, women still wanna mess with a guy like this. Ariane, MimI's good friend, is constantly trying to be a voice of reason, hoping her friend finds a better love but MiMi insists on hanging on to the one she has. I guess in their own way, an ultimate dog has a reason to be loved for every reason they have to be hated. Here are a few Stevie J displays...

1. He's a Smooth talker. He's got a winning smile and knows when and how to use it.

2. He's a successful producer and is financially stable. He is a provider and supports his family.

3. He's the "sweetest, kindest, nicest guy when he wants to be," says MiMi.

4. He extremely talented and can sing his way into his women's hearts, then that piano playing gets him into their panties.

5. He fights for his women, goes by their job, jumps in their ride, apologizes, and tries to make things right even when they are sooo very wrong.

6. Knows what material goods to give his women when they are at their last straw.

7. He's a romantic and knows how and when to serenade his lady with dinner, roses, and a sweet song.

8. He listens to his women and gives them an inkling of what they wanna hear before he hits them with something more truthful. He let's MiMi think he's gonna consider the 20% offer and makes her believe she has a say in the decisions of his production company.

9. He knows how to handle his business right in the bedroom. As Joselin has stated, he is a great lover and the sex is moving and powerful.

10. He makes each of his women feel special in their own unique ways. Stevie has each of them thinking they are #1.

All I know is, ladies let's get our priorities straight! Are you interested in a loyal, faithful man who truly puts you first? Or are you willing to settle for the ultimate dog who will lie and trick you into loving him in ways he doesn't deserve? Because those dudes are a dime a dozen and ain't worth much at the end of the day.

A good man is hard to find but if you're lucky enough to find him, you can be proud of it.

Tune in to Love & Hip Hop Atlanta Monday nights at 8pm on VH1 and watch the drama unfold in Season 2...

Would you mess with a dude like Stevie J? Why or Why not? And guys, do you support Stevie's ways? Which if any?

Posted on DiaryDiscussions.com on July 9, 2012 at 10:24am in Love & Relationships

Pregnancy Scares

 

Posted by DD.Burrell on DreamwivesClub.com September 14, 2011 at 11:55 AM  

I am 7 1/2 months pregnant and all throughout this time, I have received some of the most horrifying pregnancy scares ever! I am pregnant with twins and this whole pregnancy, I have been overwhelmed with so much anxiety as I have heard pregnancy stories from every woman I've spoken to who has ever given birth. I'm just wondering why women have taken this most delicate time to share their horror stories with me... and if there is any other way for them to show their support without making me more alarmed and afraid of what is to come.

 

My doctors and nurses give me enough risk factors, and the baby books do too so I've been well aware of all the possibilities lying ahead of me. But I'm wondering if I would have been better off without having heard all the unique scares of various women's pregnancies, labor, delivery, breast feeding, twin deaths, post partum, sleep deprivation, pains, and more. I'm sure its done out of love and women just want to vent, but at this time, its exhausting to hear the negative sides of pregnancy when I'm already dealing with my own unique symptoms. I appreciate everyones warnings and concerns, but I have to deal with pregnancy my way and face each challenge as it comes. Its a little stressful trying to take in each person's negative experiences as I'm building some of my own...

 

When you get pregnant or when you were, did you appreciate all those pregnancy scares or would you rather women just offer support and advice without all those gory details??

Categories: Marriage vs. Motherhood, Pain, Just Asking

Bethenny Happily Ever After?

In Bravo's spinoff to the Real Housewives of New York, "Bethenny Ever After", Bethanny juggles a thriving career, building a solid marriage, and being a new mom. I think she is extremely strong to be able to handle all that at one time while keeping her sanity- well somewhat. She has always told herself she couldn't have it all, but her show proved she certainly can. She has been blessed with success in all areas of her life and is finally living her dream. However, she constantly battles the pain left behind from her past dealing with an unstable family, feelings of loneliness and abandonment. Her recent joys are helping her find the happiness she's always deserved. My question is, is there really a happily ever after in life? What's yours?

And how successful can a person really when they are being spread out so thin. When you are trying to balance out career, marriage, and motherhood; can you succeed at all three without sacrificing any of the important factors of your life? After all our trials and tribulations, challenges and far-fetched dreams, can we live happily ever after?

And Now that Bethanny is going through a divorce from Jason Hoppy because of her overwhelming financial success, family values, and gender role issues, can she still remain happy and be considered a success??

 

 

Posted on DreamwivesClub.com on March 30, 2011 at 10:46 AM

Posted on DiaryDiscussions.com on January 13, 2013 at 3:30pm

Why Black Women May be Rated Most Attractive?

In 2011, a journalist, Satoshi Kanazawa, posted an article on Pschology Today to impose a study on "Why Black Women are Rated Less Physically Attractive Than Other Women" and I, among many others, was extremely appalled. First it was the billboard hanging in NYC stating that the most dangerous place for an African American child is in the womb. Now this?! So I am here to rebuttal that whole racist and stereotypical article. I will share why in my social and psychological judgement, BLACK WOMEN MAY BE RATED MOST ATTRACTIVE.

 

I am sick and tired of all the stereotypes trying to bring down our entire race of women by throwing negative connatations our way. To be honest, Black women have been through a lot, and have built so much strength over the years. We have been beaten and abused by men of our race and other races, we have had our identities stolen, and our pride stripped. For many years, centuries even, we have had to overcome so much adversity, pain, and misfortune. We've had our children taken from us, we've been kidnapped from our native lands, forced into alternative lifestyles, and sold like property. We have had to bear children, raise them alone, watch them get killed, we've been shunned by our own people, devalued by other races, and continue to strive for a better way of life for the generations of African Americans to come... all while finding ways of keeping a sane and stable mind. So with that, I am here to speak my piece...

 

Now, I can't speak for all black women , nor can I speak for all the men who rate us. But for those I do know, I have shared my views with them and they've shared theirs with me. I've come to realize the finest attributes of our people and am so proud. We aren't perfect, no race or gender is, but we have so many unrecognized qualities and we deserve our platform to show it. With that said, Black Women may be rated the Most Attractive because:

 

1) Our STRENGTH. We have endured so much and still persist to do better. We don't give up in the face of adversity and approach life fearlessly, no matter how much we've been threatened and devalued.

 

2) We are so VARIED. We come in all colors, shapes, and sizes. Black women are blessed with all different shades, all types of hair, we have no standard size and can be as little or as big as we please, we are thick, curvy, thin, petite, slender, large, medium, and small. We are proud of who we are, uniquely and wonderfully made.

 

3) We have such a unique sense of STYLE and wear our fashions boldly and proud. We invent new ways of innovating our style. We change the game on so many levels, adding new colors, jewels, accessories, and more.

 

4) Our SKIN is strong and doesn't just crack. We can certainly maintain our youth.

 

5) We are BOLD and outgoing. We aren't afraid to be honest and speak our mind. 

 

6) Our HAIR can do any and everything. We are the only race that can pull off any type of hairstyle, whether cut, curled, colored, straight, kinky, braided, bobbed, twisted, long, short, weaved, or not- we can do it all.

 

7) We are professional LEADERS. People of color have lead so many industries.. from entertainment, athletics, politics, science, and more, we have been innovatively changing the game for years and years. We are creative thinkers who never allow anything to stand in the way of our success.

 

8 ) We are MOTHERS and LOVERS and always keep that as our priority. No amount of money or level of our career can take away the priceless role of being a mother or lover. We understand the value of keeping family first and live to keep that in our blood for years to come.

 

9) We are are as SEXY and SOPISTICATED as we want to be. 

 

10) We are CONFIDENT, no matter who tries to tear us down, we don't ever stay down.

 

11) We are FIGHTERS. No matter what challenges stand in our way, we fight to find a way past it. We don't settle and certainly don't fold.

 

12) We value our LOOKS. We are always researching new ways to keep our body, skin, nails, clothes, weight, and hair on point. We put great value in our fashions and appearance making sure we achieve the look that best represents how we feel inside.

 

13) We LOVE our men. No matter what we've been through with black men, we cannot help but love the fathers, brothers, sons, and male partners in our lives. We honor them and place them with such high regard-- until they ruin it of course-- and even still, we love them unconditionally. Even without the looks, money, time, and physical or emotional attention we request of them, we can't help but love the flawed men in our lives. We understand their struggle and try so hard to be the support and strength that they need.

 

14) We find ways to EDUCATE ourselves even when education isn't readily available.

 

15) We find ways to MAKE MONEY when we reach our lowest points. We use our heads and don't ever settle for being broke.

 

16) We live, love, and LAUGH. We like to hang out, be with family, be out on the town, and enjoy the joys that life that has to offer in our various ways.

 

17) We have FAITH. Although we may all have chosen different paths to our faith, we have a spiritual relationship with God that gives us the strength to keep on persisting through every challenge that comes our way. 

 

18 ) We are TALENTED. We sing, we dance, we act, we play instruments, we play ball, we write, we draw, we step, we swim, we design, and basically find some valuable skill in ourselves that we can someday call a talent. 

 

19) We are OPEN-MINDED and aren't biased toward other races of shows, music, movies, books, people, etc. We weren't raised to be that way, but understand how we are viewed by others and are always aware of that. We keep an open mind toward all others while trying to maintain our self pride and defenses in the midst of other races.

 

20) We RESPECT ourselves. We will never allow anyone to degrade our race to our face. We respect ourselves and our people and will always stand up for our cultural rights. We love ourselves no matter what we were conditioned to think and feel about being black. We honor our ancestors and all their struggles seen and unseen. We believe in our achievement, our success, and our race someday overcoming all our adversities. We know what respect is and we demand it.

 

What do you think makes Black Women attractive? Feel free to agree or disagree with me here...

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