Diary Discussions with

Confessions of a Single Girl

Okay, I've been single for long enough. And I never thought I'd ever be about this life, but after 11 years in back to back relationships, then a year and a half passed from splitting with my ex, I realized I'm here and still happy. But I've got some things to confess...

 

Dating has been adventurous for me but a bit tedious at the same time. I love getting out there and meeting people, getting to know new characteristics and opening up my heart and mind to new experiences. I live for strong social connections and positive influences. But it wasn't long before I realized, the dating game has changed since my teenage years when I was last single. Thing is though, my needs as a woman, hasn't so much. And I'm not at all willing to compromise my needs and desires to accommodate today's notion of "bae's" and "boo thangs" when I deserve true love and satisfaction.

 

Now that most the wounds have healed, my new reality has set in and I'm loving it, so I'm not holding back nor giving a damn what anyone thinks.

 

So I've been dating for the past year, and oh boy have I kissed some of the grimiest, slimiest frogs. Can't front, there's been some passionate and satisfying ones too. I've given chances to some of the most intelligent, handsomest, fun, and freaky guys I could ever meet. And the fun doesn't stop there... It's like everyday I meet someone new, and even sometimes, several someones. But I have yet to find what I'm looking for- a mature man with his personal values in place, his career on the move, his body on point, and his masculinity in check. Oh and most importantly- both emotionally and physically available to me.  Basically, someone who presents himself to be the male equivalent of myself. I know I'm a one of a kind woman though- and finding that one of a kind man is gonna be difficult but damn are there no strong honest hardworking men around anymore? Oh and single men please... I guess I missed the train that stopped and let off all the decent men while I was wifed up for the past 7 years SMH. Now that I'm available, everyone's just beginning their lives, having kids, finding love and experiencing all that brand new bliss. Either that, or they're basking in the turn-up season sun and are no where near ready to turn down or in other words, settle down.. And I'm no hater, I love it all! I know how to make the most of any great experience. I can always enjoy the good times and quickly let the bad ones go...

 

But anyway, back to dating life- I'm so over it! But at the same time, I'll continue to indulge in it. There's so much to learn about myself and men as I casually date. I've made some mistakes as I will continue to do and I've learned some lessons, I've given too much and I've given not enough. At times I've been excited and others I've been frustrated, I've felt proud and I've felt down. I've gotten more selective with my dating options though and have started to become much more clear about what I want. I learned to take the positive lessons and experiences from each guy, exit left when I notice too many negatives, and move forward when the time is right. I even learned how to balance out the give and take of dating- and even decided to abstain until I've found the one man who deserves all of me.

 

My friends tell me I need to take time for myself, coming out of a divorce and all but hellooo... I was single and to myself for 6 months after the breakup... Which is a lifetime for a gal like me. My hearts too big and I've got too much love in me to be alone. So dating and social encounters are just a part of my life. It's who I am and I can't stop the dude flow even if I try. At work or at play, guys can't resist me... & even some girls (pause tho). I'm fun, and intelligent, I turn way up and know when to turn down. I love a variety of spontaneous experiences and know how to party. I'm that loyal chick and the ride or die. I have extremely high standards so if you get a chance to hang with me, you must feel like a winner.

 

But I must confess to you- sometimes all you get is one chance. I just don't entertain BS characters for long. If I find that you have ill intent or hate in your blood, your goals don't meet or match mine, you add no value to my life, or have the potential to bring me down in any kinda way- I cut the cord quick. Block, delete, ignore, whatever I've got to do to free myself from the toxicity. And that goes for chicks and so called friends too. Don't waste my valuable time.

 

I'd love to share more with you- as I will- but I'm off to work now. Gotta get myself and my boys ready to head out. I'll be keeping up with my diary discussions as best as I can though, so come back for more of my juicy exploitations. XOXO,

 

Breaking Through A Break-up

 

For the past several years, I considered myself a happily married woman. I had a hardworking husband, twin sons, and a beautiful home to call our own. I was full of life and packed with limitless dreams. I worked full time and started a business, hoping my family would someday build an empire together. My ex and I met in our early twenties and got married within 3 years. We hosted lots of parties, took many vacations, and were always on social media being tagged in the cutest of photos. I thought we were in love, but really, I was becoming comfortable with life as we knew it. But the day came when I realized, my comfort did not match my fulfillment.
 
 
Don't get me wrong though, I married for all the right reasons. I was soooo in love. But the person I fell in love with was not the person I married. I was fooled into thinking I was with someone who had the same spiritual, emotional, and intellectual goals as I did. A dude who truly valued his family and would put his woman first. Someone who had the strength and drive I so much admired in a man. But so it wasn't so and when times got tough, I found myself pulling too much weight and often fighting to keep it together all on my own. I had never been the type to give up, and never on my man but as I was growing more and more concerned about his feelings, mine were getting brutally hurt. And as much love as I possessed in my heart for my husband, I was not feeling loved, comforted, or supported back. I didn't feel my ideas were being valued and at times, my kindness was being taken for weakness. I was being silently abused and openly ridiculed. Finally, my intuitions became clear and my heart was eventually broken.
 
After reaching my breaking point, and finding out about the betrayal and dishonesty within my marriage, I was happy to let it all go. I knew I'd be viewed as a failure in many eyes, but in my own, I saw strength. I no longer wanted to live a lie. I couldn't fight for a love that didn't exist, nor could I continue to live without the true happiness I deserve.
 
It didn't take long for me to see, my ex-husband was not the source of my love, strength or happiness all along. I never really had his support anyway. He didn't appreciate my mind and devalued my heart. He didn't express himself to me or open up enough to truly know and understand me. I had fallen into a place where I forced the image in my mind to match the image in my heart, but in reality, it wasn't so. When I finally saw the truth, it hurt me deeply, but I was not going to let myself break. Within the beginnings of our divorce, I felt so alone, so weak, and so worthless. Everything I prided myself on- having a loving family and a happy home- was seemingly gone. But my love for self wasn't going anywhere.
 
I knew what I was capable of and I was determined not to let anyone take that willpower away. Within that first year as a single woman, I was able to complete and publish my first book. I was recognized by lots of organizations for speaking up against bullying. My experiences inspired hundreds of youth as I toured around NYC sharing profound messages about self esteem and against violence. I was given a chance to spend much needed personal time with friends, family, and my sons. I even got to experience the dating scene for the first time in my adult life, (I had been in a relationship for 11 years!) Overall, I found myself. I found my strength, my true character, my love, my bliss, and my faith and didn't need anyone but God's assistance in doing so. I actually had thought my life was ending with this break-up but instead, I made an amazing breakthrough.
 
 XOXO

My Summer Bucket List 2014

1. Lay out on a boat deck
2. Get a new man
3. Fly my boys on a plane
4. Try a new thing
5. Kiss a celeb
6. Get my new tattoo
7. Throw the most extravagant book party (on June 27)
8. Have a Queens event go Central (work stuff)
9. Be on time for everything
10. Buy a trampoline
11. Publish my boys first book
12. Be on a reality show
13. Race at a race track << bad luck or nah?
14. Ride a motorcycle
15. Take a surfing lesson
16. Take a road trip with my framily
17. Play golf
18. Gain 10 lbs
19. Potty train the boys
20. Wear a bikini confidently for the first time since having kids

        XOXO

What's yours?

Send your accomplished ones to me on twttr & the gram all summer long #summerbucketlist @thedolldiva

Can One Woman Really Make a Man Happy?

So my girls and I recently had a slumber party and as turnt up as we got staying up all night dancing, drinking, munching, watching movies, and exchanging gifts; we eventually turnt down for some girl chat. The topic of guys came up of course, but a new idea was introduced.

 

"Do you think one woman can truly make a man happy?" because this statement came from the idea that homosexual relationships are more successful than heterosexual ones. This idea goes as far as to say that dudes treat dudes better in general. She believes they're more loyal to their boys, most trusting, more open, and more willing to go that extra mile for 'em.  Yet, when the time comes for a dude to open his heart up for a woman- by letting her in, trusting her, showing some loyalty and a lil commitment- it just isn't happening as quickly. Dudes are not man-ing up for their women, they're not playing their role as a protector and a provider, nor are they expressing their love (in actions, not just in words). On top of all that, it seems like no matter how many women a man can get with and be with, they just don't seem to ever be satisfied. I've even heard some men say that their marriages are successful because they are able to go out seeking multitudes of other women.

 

Previously, I posted a video blog stating a few reasons why men have said they aren't "buying what some single ladies are selling". On that list were things like, women aren't supportive enough, they aren't trusting enough, and they have unrealistic expectations for men. Well, what if your woman is supportive, trusting, and actually has realistic expectations for you? Will you be any more faithful, committed, and loving to just her?

 

Is it really the case that one woman can't please a man? On the show, "The New Atlanta," one guy admits at an all male forum, that it's pretty unlikely that he'll find a woman who can satisfy him physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. But are y'all dudes even looking?

 

Tell us what's up, though? Can one woman really make you happy? Or are yall in need of something we just can't provide? If there's something we're lacking, please say, because most single women can't seem to figure out what...

 

xoxo DD

Spring Break Getaway Cruise

Finally, an outing to whisk us all away for a trip meant for bonding, relaxation, luxury, and lots of fun! An all-inclusive trip from the east coast to the beautiful island of Bermuda aboard the upscale cruiseline, Royal Caribbean Cruises, leaving from Cape Liberty, NJ on Saturday May 31, 2014 and returning on Thursday June 5, 2014.

 

Join us as we leave our stressful lives behind and enjoy 6 days (5 Nights) sipping on cocktails, jetskiing, parasailing, taking dips in the pool, the jacuzzi, and the beach, then dining, dancing, discussions, shopping, shows, and more!

 
 
 

 

 

Dear Diary, Do You Dare to Dream?

I heard it before and I think its sooo unfair of people who say, I'm living in a "dreamworld". Not because it isn't true, but because they're saying it to negate the joy I feel and to doubt what I believe can happen is even possible.

 

Why is it viewed negatively for a girl to have dreams these days? Why don't people believe a girl can have it all? What's wrong with staying positive and believing in yourself? Having confidence in your abilities and trusting God that things will someday be okay?

 

In my opinion, theres nothing wrong with it at all. I have always kept my dreams alive. Even when I'm in my most trying times (like I've been as of recent), the only thing that keeps me going (aside from my kids) is the belief in my dreams. I picture my better days and I know that if the love I have in me is real, then real love is out there. I've been heartbroken but never broken. As long as I keep fighting, I can never lose. I keep my heart open which is why I still believe a newer, truer love is on its way.

 

But still, people consider me a "fronter", a "dreamer" and claim I'm not living in reality. I've heard people state how I'm "in the clouds" and "living in a dreamworld". As happy as I am living this way, it saddens me that people who say this aren't experiencing the joy I feel inside. They don't understand what it's like to set yourself aside from the norm and the look at life in a new, more unique light. Choosing to live a quality of life comes from within. It's so simple to obtain it but people are so wrapped in the negativity and doubt, they're missing out. They don't see how much happiness you can feel just by loving yourself, the people close to you, and appreciating the few great things that surround you. They don't see joy within their pain or sunshine peering through the rain. It's those little things I do that keep me sane and blissful no matter what awful realities present themselves.

 

At the end of the day, we all have pain and challenges and struggles and burdens to bear. And as the real woman that I am, I know I can't always change the circumstances but I can always change my reactions to them. You have the power to either falter when the storms come or rise above and make the most of it. I mean, take the lesson from it and move forward rather than wallow in self pity. I'd rather share the story of my pain with others and hope to offer something relatable or relieving to people who believe that just because I smile, everything is perfect. I'd like to let people know that I smile not because anything's ever perfect but because even though it's not, I still have the power and the love and the strength to keep on keeping on. Just believe in yourself. Believe that you're destined for greatness and surround yourself with people who do too.

 

It's not easy to see anything good buried in the midst of a bad situation but I've been making a commitment every day to search for it. That's the only way I'll ever find it. Because your joy depends solely on you and your state of mind. Find it, whichever ways it may come. And call on the support and love of good friends & fam when you need to.

 

So lately, when people say I'm living in a dreamworld, all I can think is, dammit I really like it here. Care to join me?

XOXO DD

 

Do you dare to dream?

Stevie J: The Ultimate Dog: 10 Reasons Ladies Hate (and Love) Him

 

Dear Diary,

 

It's so sickening the way guys play out their women. They will take a perfectly good quality woman, turn her into wifey and the mother of their kids, then before long when she's comfortably locked down, she's becomes a baby momma or just their chick, and they do her so dirty

 

It's disheartening how blatantly Stevie J does this on VH1's Love & Hip Hop Atlanta. I don't know real the scenarios in the show are, but the portrayal of Stevie J doggin' out his two women- MiMi and Joselin- is real enough to make me mad!

 

Here are 10 reasons why ladies hate Stevie J: The Ultimate Dog...

 

1. Stevie J is with a woman, MiMi, who loves him despite his lack of honesty and respect, and he takes her for granted. She wants to be there for him day in and day out but yet, he chooses to seek out that love in other places. “Long nights, girls, liquor, Lord knows what else,” said Mimi. “If it was just money he was getting in the studio I wouldn’t be mad at that. But it’s way more than money he’s getting.”

2. Gives his main lady, MiMi, a home wayyy outside the city where he works & screws his artist, thinking MiMi's gonna be happy about the fact that this new home drives a bigger wedge in their relationship. It's as if he's saying, "Shut the f#ck up and be a good dog and do what I say." -MiMi

3. He says he will start coming home, "a little bit more" when MiMI asks if he will be sharing their home with their daughter as a family.

4. He has a main lady in his life and is allowing the side chick to call him, "Daddy" in front of mixed company and mutual friends.

5. He shows up at an event with his side chick when he knows his woman, MiMi, is there celebrating with her friends. He's catering to the side chick, putting her jacket on, calling her, and sticking by her while MiMi is fleeing the scene.

6. He gets caught in the midst of a lie about kissing the side chick in public and completely denies it in front of the witness and all parties involved.
 
7. While his main lady is searching for him after finding out about his side chick, he is going after the side chick, begging her to stick around.

8. He took a girl out of the strip club to give her a "better life" but is still pimping her, only now he's compensating his "hoe" with studio time.

9. He called Erica a b*tch and a slut monkey for no reason. 

10. He sweet talks the pants off all his women and just plants his lies all over the place. All his dirt embarrases MiMi and leaves her vulnerable to second baby mama drama, disloyalty, and everytime she's out, she got somebody dishing dirt to her about her man. "There's a big difference between what Stevie says and what Stevie does." -MiMi

BONUS. When he finds out his side chick and artist(Joselin) is pregnant, he tries to convince her to get rid of the baby on account of her music career & body image knowing damn well, he was truly concerned about the effect this would have on his family and his own money.

"AND IN THAT ORDER!!" -Mama Dee

Damn, it's so sad that with all of the above reasons, women still wanna mess with a guy like this. Ariane, MimI's good friend, is constantly trying to be a voice of reason, hoping her friend finds a better love but MiMi insists on hanging on to the one she has. I guess in their own way, an ultimate dog has a reason to be loved for every reason they have to be hated. Here are a few Stevie J displays...

1. He's a Smooth talker. He's got a winning smile and knows when and how to use it.

2. He's a successful producer and is financially stable. He is a provider and supports his family.

3. He's the "sweetest, kindest, nicest guy when he wants to be," says MiMi.

4. He extremely talented and can sing his way into his women's hearts, then that piano playing gets him into their panties.

5. He fights for his women, goes by their job, jumps in their ride, apologizes, and tries to make things right even when they are sooo very wrong.

6. Knows what material goods to give his women when they are at their last straw. 

7. He's a romantic and knows how and when to serenade his lady with dinner, roses, and a sweet song.

8. He listens to his women and gives them an inkling of what they wanna hear before he hits them with something more truthful. He let's MiMi think he's gonna consider the 20% offer and makes her believe she has a say in the decisions of his production company.

9. He knows how to handle his business right in the bedroom. As Joselin has stated, he is a great lover and the sex is moving and powerful.

10. He makes each of his women feel special in their own unique ways. Stevie has each of them thinking they are #1.

All I know is, ladies let's get our priorities straight! Are you interested in a loyal, faithful man who truly puts you first? Or are you willing to settle for the ultimate dog who will lie and trick you into loving him in ways he doesn't deserve? Because those dudes are a dime a dozen and ain't worth much at the end of the day.

A good man is hard to find but if you're lucky enough to find him, you can be proud of it.

Tune in to Love & Hip Hop Atlanta Monday nights at 8pm on VH1 and watch the drama unfold...

 

Would you mess with a dude like Stevie J? Why or Why not? And guys, do you support Stevie's ways?

Do You Think Men Have the Ability to be Faithful?

Posted by LolaBunny on December 29, 2010 at 11:34 AM

 

Do you ladies believe men have the ability to be faithful and stay faithful? I'm getting doubtful of it just based on the experiences I've had and stories I've heard. I have so many married men try to talk to me and even some with families and kids. It's really sad. The people I thought were wholesome and true have proven otherwise over time and I' starting to doubt that fidelity is even realistic. How can I really know if a man has the ability to stay faithful to me throughout our lives together? Is it even possible?

From: DreamwivesClub.com

Tags: cheating, dating, life, married

Delete
Reply StaceyAnn
07:30 PM on December 29, 2010 
It is sad that the men who are in so called committed relationships and even worse married men blatantly offer me dates and gifts. It makes me wonder, can a man be faithful? It is alright to flirt, but when you have other intentions that are more than being friendly, there's a problem. I heard from women who have been married for 20+ years and they know that their husbands has cheated in the past and they say that every man cheats. I'm starting to believe them.
Reply LovelyTee
07:50 PM on December 29, 2010 
lol shit if there are any faithful men out there, there almost extinct. in this society it's the norm for men to have a main woman and a chick on the side. i dont trust any men at the current moment. ive been married and had my husband cheat on me and when asked why when i was doing everything a wife should be doing...he answered:greed. its really sad when you have alot of women turning to women becuase of the infidelity of men. i tend to keep looking because i hate to believe that all men are the same but unfortunately thats all ive been running into as well. age doesn't seem to matter, men just have to really be willing to have sex with one woman for a long period of time and some men just cant handle the temptation...
Reply DD.Burrell
12:12 AM on December 30, 2010 
Damn... I only hope we have a few good men out there. But my thing is, dont stop looking till you find him. I believe its possible, I know maybe a few. And in my world, its not the norm to have main chicks and side chicks. Greed is a desire we all have but most of us know how to control it. Why cant they??
Reply Sincere
10:18 AM on December 30, 2010 
It is hard for most men to be faithful because most men lack moral strength. It takes a strong man to be faithful to his women. With the media, peers and social examples it's hard to be strong in moments of weakness. Most men aren't perceptive enough to see other women's advances for what they are, ADVANCES. Instead they see them as friendly gestures, until theses friendly gestures become more and more sexually suggestive until it's too late. Infidelity in our society has a strong past and an ever present future. It is our job to find partners (they exists) that are strong morally and not dismiss the WARNING signs of a CREEPER.
Reply Dainty
01:44 AM on January 02, 2011 
mmm mmm..wow @ u ladies. I appreciate ya honesty on here. love it* I think that men have the ability it's just that some men are really effed up and don't care enough to stay faithful. They don't care that they have a sexy woman at home who cooks, cleans, takes care of the munchkins and finds the time to LOOK GOOD. But I just want to add this: if that man cheats, it's NOT YOU it's HIM. Think about it....how many men do see at work, or in the store, or that hot guy on the dance floor while your out with the girls but yet you still don't flirt or exchange numbers? Okay so that means, even though you are doing your part as a girlfriend or wife he may choose to cheat because he has the ability to be faithful but he does not want to.
Reply Dana
09:07 PM on January 15, 2011 
Absolutely men definatly have the ability to be faithful. I believe cheating derives from one of the reasons, plain old selfishness or simply a lack of self control. i think the issue is so many women in their life have accepted it as a constant to where it's been deemed acceptable.. jus think bout this if every woman left their man for cheating and it was intolerable those men would learn the hard way and absolutely change their ways. it's a two way street!
Reply Nate Da Great
09:47 PM on January 28, 2011 
Hmmm, with my experience the married women never get caught so please be mindful that cheating is not exclusive to one sex. If you're going to suggest that men can't be faithful let's go find these chicks that are going to all star weekend soon or CIAA in Charlotte, NC. Keep it real. PEOPLE cheat not just men.

Had to stand up for the faithful brothaz!!

Jackie Christie of Basketball Wives Returns!!


Dear Diary, 

This weekend I had an opportunity to meet one of the ladies of a show I once considered a favorite, Basketball Wives LA. Over the course of it debut season, I went from loving it to feeling indifferent to not feeling it all. The drama got dry after a while when the women began directing all their drama in one woman's way- Jackie Christie's. And it wasn't long before that got redundant and me, along with many others, began losing interest.

 

But I wasn't ready to give up on the ladies that easily. And meeting Jackie Christie in the flesh this weekend at Voyeur Nightclub in LA for the BET Pre-Awards Party gave me reason to stay a fan for good!

 

She was all smiles and hugs, and kept a positive attitude. It was fun, funny, and fun-loving, just as our girl-talk should be.  She acknowledged that the first season of #BBWLA was flawed but gave me promises that season 2 will have a whole fresh new vibe. And I believed her...

Check out our discussion:

Delicia: What can we expect in the next season of Baskbetball Wives LA?

Jackie: OMG It is gon' be a whole bunch of surprises. It's definitely gon' be a big turn! Everybody's expecting to see one thing, they gon' see something very different. But it's gonna be better than the 1st season.

Delicia: When does it air?

Jackie: September. We're in week 6 of shooting right now.

Delicia: Wow, so are you... any better with the other girls?

Jackie: Yeah, everybody's good. I had to SLAP one of them, I'm not gonna say who. But we're all good.

Delicia: Well, that's good to know! We're gonna look forward to that ---SLAP---. (I laugh) OMG, you guys usually keep it classy though. And this is a show that speaks to women, particularly urban women. You know we're all about it. Do you think you portray black women in the right way? Because that's a big thing...

Jackie: We will be. We definitely will be. There was a lot of animosity the first time. A lot of misunderstandings. But I'm a strong-willed person. Don't disrespect me, you know. But I think this time around, everybody knows their place and they're staying in their lane. It's all about businesses, our families, all the good stuff.

Delicia: That's the stuff that I really care about so I really hope so. I mean, I like the drama too but what propels me to the show is the fact that you guys are all different and you guys are doing [ordinary] things on a wayyy bigger level. You got big things happening with your families, your businesses, your husbands, and you guys are celebrities, It's just so exciting...

Jackie: OMG You guys are going to be very entertained and very happy by this season!

Delicia: I feel like I will be!

She went on to share her weekend whereabouts, on how she's stopping at a few exclusive events to show her support. She even mentioned she would be attending the BET Awards the following evening- unless her allergies continued to act up like it was at the moment. She was open and honest with me.

Although the show may have her perceived as a lil nutty and overbearing, she was a down to earth woman with a dramatic edge. She stated how "blessed and happy" she felt to be where she is today. And with a faithful man who re-marries her every year, a successful show re-airing on VH1 this fall, and her joyful spirit- who can blame her?! Btw, I hear Jackie and her husband Doug Christie (retired Los Angeles Lakers, Sacramento Kings) are getting into the porn business! Not as on screen talent but as producers... Juicy! Let's see how that goes.

Delicia: One last question, Are you good with Shaunie O'Neal?

Jackie: Oh, I love Shaunie. Yes, we're really good friends, that's my sister. I have nothing but good things to say about her. I know people pick on her but all she is, is executive producer of a series and it has a life of its own. It doesn't reflect her. 

Enough said! I thanked Jackie Christie for sharing and for being oh so real with me about the show, her friendships, and her blessed life altogether. Lol.

Let's all tune in this September 2012 to VH1 and see how season 2 of Basketball Wives LA pans out! Draya, Laura, Gloria, Malaysia, Kimsha, Imani, and Jackie will hopefully have us in for the addictive treat we're missing! 

Will you tune in to season 2 of Basketball Wives LA?

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