Diary Discussions with

Phenomenal Woman Seeks Phenomenal Man

by: Delicia B. Davis

 

I'm a phenomal woman seeking a phenomenal man

Some say I'll never find him but I know I can

I can find him at the bar or at work too

But theres some things I keep in mind no matter what I do

I'm a phenomenal woman and what that really means

Is that I'm more than ordinary and much greater than I seem

Indeed I am a mother so I can certainly protect

I gave birth to 2 children, so I can multitask in sets

I can cook a meal while I massage your back

I can be a friend and lover, but can also bring home checks

I am slightly insecure because I strive to perfect

But that only makes me better because all your flaws, I'll accept

I am extraordinary, I write books and speak and dance

I give my all to my community, at my every chance

I'm soldier and a survivor, my ex couldn't break me down

Although he left me lost and alone, I got up off the ground

at a point, I thought life was over, I thought I couldn't go on

But as phenomenal as I am, I knew those thoughts would someday be gone

 

Dear Diary, Separated & It Feels So Good

Dear Diary,

 

Is the cat out the bag yet?

 

Me and my hubby are officially divorced.  And yes of course there's a certain level of pain you experience when you love someone unconditionally and the love is lost, but I can honestly say, it's for the best. It's been 2 years since we sat down and decided we needed a break. For over 6 years we had been consistently together, embarking on a life full of love and bliss, but somewhere along the way, we grew apart.

I'm not gonna blame anyone in particular for nature running it's course, but I can issue some things I learned about choosing a partner for myself in the future.

 

1) He must be strong, physically & mentally

2) He must have a spiritual connection with God

3) He must be smart and educated

4) He must be ambitious

5) He must be able to communicate well

6) He must be able to control his anger and emotions

7) He must have family values in place and have the desire to build one of his own

8) He must be a team player, a partner, and offer support

9) He must be a protector of his woman and his family

10) He must be a real man, full of love, strength, and honesty

 

I crave these qualities because I didn't have them in my marriage. I lacked so many things in my past relationship and foolishly allowed myself to believe lies and empty promises. I was holding on so tightly to an image of hope and the anticipation of a love that never existed. I was young and dumb and oh so ready in the past. I will no longer allow myself to ignore the signs of abuse in any shape or form.

 

So when I say, I'm seperated and it feels so good, I'm expressing my freedom. I'm not indulging in the negative state of mind he threw me in but instead taking ownership of my pain and building upon it. I'm re-defining myself and showing the world I'm more than just his wife. I have limitless dreams and wide ranging abilities. I'm taking the lessons learned and moving right along. I'm acknowledging my flaws and embarking on a new journey. I'm letting it be known that I did love and yes I lost my man. But the cheating and trickery within a relationship is not at all worth sticking around for. His constant bashing of my thoughts and ideas will stop me no more. When someone loves you, really loves you unconditionally, it should be an effortless bonding experience. Stop holding on to someone who is willing to let you go. Find someone who truly cares and the bliss of it will be oozing out of you skin. If separation is what it takes to find my true happiness, I'm ready to break free. Love for self is often overlooked but I'm finally feeling it and feeling so good. :-)

My 30th Birthday Las Vegas Getaway!

 

 

As much as I work, y'all already know how much I love to play! This year I'm turning 30 and taking a break from the grind to hang out in Las Vegas, Nevada... And you're invited to come along for a fun-filled relaxing yet wild ride!

As of now, the trip will be 4 days, 3 nights Tuesday June 30-Friday July 3.

It will cost $575 per person for flight & hotel, all taxes and fees included. But if you wanna lock it down as that price, I'll need at $100 deposits by April 10. That gives 3 weeks to decide, get your money, choose a roommate or let me know if you need one, and quickpay me (using my # 917.518.0720 or my email delicia.davis@aol.com) You're welcome to bring a friend, family member or significant other who knows how to chill back, relax, and have a good time. Total balance will be due by Friday May 22.
 

Resort TBD

Flight TBD


Tentative Agenda
(No one is obliged to stick it to it, btw!)

Day 1, Tuesday June 30 - Chill, Eat, Walk the Strip, Site See, Club Hop

Day 2, Wednesday July 1 (My & Jessica D's Birthday!!)- Spa Day, Relax, Special Dinner Celebration, & Party

Day 3, Thursday July 2- Shop, Chill by the Poolside, Attend a Nighttime Show, Turn Up time, Club Hop 

Day 4, Friday July 3- Empowerment Breakfast, Souvenier Shop, Recap & Pack
 

Confessions of a Single Girl

Okay, I've been single for long enough. And I never thought I'd ever be about this life, but after 11 years in back to back relationships, then a year and a half passed from splitting with my ex, I realized I'm here and still happy. But I've got some things to confess...

 

Now that most the wounds have healed, my new reality has set in and I'm loving it, so I'm not holding back nor giving a damn what anyone thinks.

 

Dating has been adventurous for me but a bit tedious at the same time. I love getting out there and meeting people, getting to know new characteristics and opening up my heart and mind to new experiences. I live for strong social connections and positive influences. But it wasn't long before I realized, the dating game has changed since my teenage years when I was last single. Thing is though, my needs as a woman, hasn't so much. And I'm not at all willing to compromise my needs and desires to accommodate today's notion of "bae's" and "boo thangs" when I deserve true love and satisfaction.

 

So I've been dating for the past year, and oh boy have I kissed some frogs. Some were grimey, slimey even; but I can't front, there's been some passionate and satisfying ones too. I've given chances to some of the most intelligent, handsomest, fun, and freaky guys I could ever meet. And the fun doesn't stop there... It's like everyday I meet someone new. But I have yet to find what I'm looking for- a mature man with his personal values in place, his career on the move, his body on point, and his masculinity in check. Oh and most importantly- both emotionally and physically available to me.  Basically, someone who presents himself to be the male equivalent of myself. I know I'm a one of a kind woman though- and finding that one of a kind man is gonna be difficult but damn are there no strong honest hardworking men around anymore? Oh and single men please...

 

I guess I missed the train that stopped and let off all the decent men while I was wifed up for the past 7 years SMH. Now that I'm available, everyone's just beginning their lives, having kids, finding love and experiencing all that brand new bliss. Either that, or they're basking in the turn-up season sun and are no where near ready to settle down or in other words, turn down for what..? And I'm no hater, I know how to make the most of a great experience. I can always enjoy the good times and quickly let the bad ones go...

 

But anyway, about this dating game- I'm a bit over it but I'll continue to indulge. There's so much to learn about myself and men as I casually date. I've made some mistakes as I will continue to do and I've learned some lessons. I've given too much and I've given not enough. At times I've been excited and others I've been frustrated, I've felt proud and I've felt down. I've gotten more selective with my dating options though and have started to become much more clear about what I want. I learned to take the positive lessons and experiences from each guy, exit left when I notice too many negatives, and move forward when the time is right. I even learned how to balance out the give and take of dating- and even decided to abstain until I've found that one man who deserves all of me.

 

My friends tell me I need to take time for myself, coming out of a divorce and all but hellooo... I was single and to myself for 6 months after the breakup... Which is a lifetime for a gal like me. My hearts too big and I've got too much love in me to be alone. So dating and social encounters are just a part of my life. It's who I am and I can't stop the dude flow even if I try. At work or at play, guys can't resist me... & even some girls (pause tho). I'm fun, and intelligent, I turn way up and know when to turn down. I love a variety of spontaneous experiences and know how to party. I'm that loyal chick and the ride or die. I pretty selective about who I spent time on and have extremely high standards so if you get a chance to hang with me, you must feel like a winner.

 

I must confess to you though- sometimes all you get is one chance. I just don't entertain BS characters for long. If I find that you have ill intent or hate in your blood, your goals don't meet or match mine, you add no value to my life, or have the potential to bring me down in any kinda way- I cut the cord quick. Block, delete, ignore, whatever I've got to do to free myself from the toxicity. And that goes for chicks and so called friends too. Don't waste my valuable time.

 

I'd love to share more with you- as I will- but I'm off to work now. Gotta get myself and my boys ready to head out. I'll be keeping up with my diary discussions as best as I can though, so come back for more of my juicy exploitations. XOXO,

 

Breaking Through A Break-up

 

For the past several years, I considered myself a happily married woman. I had a hardworking husband, twin sons, and a beautiful home to call our own. I was full of life and packed with limitless dreams. I worked full time and started a business, hoping my family would someday build an empire together. My ex and I met in our early twenties and got married within 3 years. We hosted lots of parties, took many vacations, and were always on social media being tagged in the cutest of photos. I thought we were in love, but really, I was becoming comfortable with life as we knew it. But the day came when I realized, my comfort did not match my fulfillment.
 
 
Don't get me wrong though, I married for all the right reasons. I was soooo in love. But the person I fell in love with was not the person I married. I was fooled into thinking I was with someone who had the same spiritual, emotional, and intellectual goals as I did. A dude who truly valued his family and would put his woman first. Someone who had the strength and drive I so much admired in a man. But so it wasn't so and when times got tough, I found myself pulling too much weight and often fighting to keep it together all on my own. I had never been the type to give up, and never on my man but as I was growing more and more concerned about his feelings, mine were getting brutally hurt. And as much love as I possessed in my heart for my husband, I was not feeling loved, comforted, or supported back. I didn't feel my ideas were being valued and at times, my kindness was being taken for weakness. I was being silently abused and openly ridiculed. Finally, my intuitions became clear and my heart was eventually broken.
 
After reaching my breaking point, and finding out about the betrayal and dishonesty within my marriage, I was happy to let it all go. I knew I'd be viewed as a failure in many eyes, but in my own, I saw strength. I no longer wanted to live a lie. I couldn't fight for a love that didn't exist, nor could I continue to live without the true happiness I deserve.
 
It didn't take long for me to see, my ex-husband was not the source of my love, strength or happiness all along. I never really had his support anyway. He didn't appreciate my mind and devalued my heart. He didn't express himself to me or open up enough to truly know and understand me. I had fallen into a place where I forced the image in my mind to match the image in my heart, but in reality, it wasn't so. When I finally saw the truth, it hurt me deeply, but I was not going to let myself break. Within the beginnings of our divorce, I felt so alone, so weak, and so worthless. Everything I prided myself on- having a loving family and a happy home- was seemingly gone. But my love for self wasn't going anywhere.
 
I knew what I was capable of and I was determined not to let anyone take that willpower away. Within that first year as a single woman, I was able to complete and publish my first book. I was recognized by lots of organizations for speaking up against bullying. My experiences inspired hundreds of youth as I toured around NYC sharing profound messages about self esteem and against violence. I was given a chance to spend much needed personal time with friends, family, and my sons. I even got to experience the dating scene for the first time in my adult life, (I had been in a relationship for 11 years!) Overall, I found myself. I found my strength, my true character, my love, my bliss, and my faith and didn't need anyone but God's assistance in doing so. I actually had thought my life was ending with this break-up but instead, I made an amazing breakthrough.
 
 XOXO

My Summer Bucket List 2014

1. Lay out on a boat deck
2. Get a new man
3. Fly my boys on a plane
4. Try a new thing
5. Kiss a celeb
6. Get my new tattoo
7. Throw the most extravagant book party (on June 27)
8. Have a Queens event go Central (work stuff)
9. Be on time for everything
10. Buy a trampoline
11. Publish my boys first book
12. Be on a reality show
13. Race at a race track << bad luck or nah?
14. Ride a motorcycle
15. Take a surfing lesson
16. Take a road trip with my framily
17. Play golf
18. Gain 10 lbs
19. Potty train the boys
20. Wear a bikini confidently for the first time since having kids

        XOXO

What's yours?

Send your accomplished ones to me on twttr & the gram all summer long #summerbucketlist @thedolldiva

Can One Woman Really Make a Man Happy?

So my girls and I recently had a slumber party and as turnt up as we got staying up all night dancing, drinking, munching, watching movies, and exchanging gifts; we eventually turnt down for some girl chat. The topic of guys came up of course, but a new idea was introduced.

 

"Do you think one woman can truly make a man happy?" because this statement came from the idea that homosexual relationships are more successful than heterosexual ones. This idea goes as far as to say that dudes treat dudes better in general. She believes they're more loyal to their boys, most trusting, more open, and more willing to go that extra mile for 'em.  Yet, when the time comes for a dude to open his heart up for a woman- by letting her in, trusting her, showing some loyalty and a lil commitment- it just isn't happening as quickly. Dudes are not man-ing up for their women, they're not playing their role as a protector and a provider, nor are they expressing their love (in actions, not just in words). On top of all that, it seems like no matter how many women a man can get with and be with, they just don't seem to ever be satisfied. I've even heard some men say that their marriages are successful because they are able to go out seeking multitudes of other women.

 

Previously, I posted a video blog stating a few reasons why men have said they aren't "buying what some single ladies are selling". On that list were things like, women aren't supportive enough, they aren't trusting enough, and they have unrealistic expectations for men. Well, what if your woman is supportive, trusting, and actually has realistic expectations for you? Will you be any more faithful, committed, and loving to just her?

 

Is it really the case that one woman can't please a man? On the show, "The New Atlanta," one guy admits at an all male forum, that it's pretty unlikely that he'll find a woman who can satisfy him physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. But are y'all dudes even looking?

 

Tell us what's up, though? Can one woman really make you happy? Or are yall in need of something we just can't provide? If there's something we're lacking, please say, because most single women can't seem to figure out what...

 

xoxo DD

Spring Break Getaway Cruise

Finally, an outing to whisk us all away for a trip meant for bonding, relaxation, luxury, and lots of fun! An all-inclusive trip from the east coast to the beautiful island of Bermuda aboard the upscale cruiseline, Royal Caribbean Cruises, leaving from Cape Liberty, NJ on Saturday May 31, 2014 and returning on Thursday June 5, 2014.

 

Join us as we leave our stressful lives behind and enjoy 6 days (5 Nights) sipping on cocktails, jetskiing, parasailing, taking dips in the pool, the jacuzzi, and the beach, then dining, dancing, discussions, shopping, shows, and more!

 
 
 

 

 

Dear Diary, Do You Dare to Dream?

I heard it before and I think its sooo unfair of people who say, I'm living in a "dreamworld". Not because it isn't true, but because they're saying it to negate the joy I feel and to doubt what I believe can happen is even possible.

 

Why is it viewed negatively for a girl to have dreams these days? Why don't people believe a girl can have it all? What's wrong with staying positive and believing in yourself? Having confidence in your abilities and trusting God that things will someday be okay?

 

In my opinion, theres nothing wrong with it at all. I have always kept my dreams alive. Even when I'm in my most trying times (like I've been as of recent), the only thing that keeps me going (aside from my kids) is the belief in my dreams. I picture my better days and I know that if the love I have in me is real, then real love is out there. I've been heartbroken but never broken. As long as I keep fighting, I can never lose. I keep my heart open which is why I still believe a newer, truer love is on its way.

 

But still, people consider me a "fronter", a "dreamer" and claim I'm not living in reality. I've heard people state how I'm "in the clouds" and "living in a dreamworld". As happy as I am living this way, it saddens me that people who say this aren't experiencing the joy I feel inside. They don't understand what it's like to set yourself aside from the norm and to look at life in a new, more unique light. Choosing to live a great quality of life comes from within. It's so simple to obtain it but people are so wrapped in the negativity and doubt, they're missing out. They don't see how much happiness you can feel just by loving yourself, the people close to you, and appreciating the few great things that surround you. They don't see joy within their pain or sunshine peering through the rain. It's those little things I do that keep me sane and blissful no matter what awful realities present themselves.

 

At the end of the day, we all have pain and challenges and struggles and burdens to bear. And as the real woman that I am, I know I can't always change the circumstances but I can always change my reactions to them. You have the power to either falter when the storms come or rise above and make the most of it. I mean, take the lesson from it and move forward rather than wallow in self pity. I'd rather share the story of my pain with others and hope to offer something relatable or relieving to people who believe that just because I smile, everything is perfect. I'd like to let people know that I smile not because anything's ever perfect but because even though it's not, I still have the power and the love and the strength to keep on keeping on. Just believe in yourself. Believe that you're destined for greatness and surround yourself with people who do too.

 

It's not easy to see anything good buried in the midst of a bad situation but I've been making a commitment every day to search for it. That's the only way I'll ever find it. Because your joy depends solely on you and your state of mind. Find it, whichever ways it may come. And call on the support and love of good friends & fam when you need to.

 

So lately, when people say I'm living in a dreamworld, all I can think is, dammit I really like it here. Care to join me?

XOXO DD

 

Do you dare to dream?

Stevie J: The Ultimate Dog: 10 Reasons Ladies Hate (and Love) Him

 

Dear Diary,

 

It's so sickening the way guys play out their women. They will take a perfectly good quality woman, turn her into wifey and the mother of their kids, then before long when she's comfortably locked down, she's becomes a baby momma or just their chick, and they do her so dirty

 

It's disheartening how blatantly Stevie J does this on VH1's Love & Hip Hop Atlanta. I don't know real the scenarios in the show are, but the portrayal of Stevie J doggin' out his two women- MiMi and Joselin- is real enough to make me mad!

 

Here are 10 reasons why ladies hate Stevie J: The Ultimate Dog...

 

1. Stevie J is with a woman, MiMi, who loves him despite his lack of honesty and respect, and he takes her for granted. She wants to be there for him day in and day out but yet, he chooses to seek out that love in other places. “Long nights, girls, liquor, Lord knows what else,” said Mimi. “If it was just money he was getting in the studio I wouldn’t be mad at that. But it’s way more than money he’s getting.”

 

2. Gives his main lady, MiMi, a home wayyy outside the city where he works & screws his artist, thinking MiMi's gonna be happy about the fact that this new home drives a bigger wedge in their relationship. It's as if he's saying, "Shut the f#ck up and be a good dog and do what I say." -MiMi

 

3. He says he will start coming home, "a little bit more" when MiMI asks if he will be sharing their home with their daughter as a family.

 

4. He has a main lady in his life and is allowing the side chick to call him, "Daddy" in front of mixed company and mutual friends.

 

5. He shows up at an event with his side chick when he knows his woman, MiMi, is there celebrating with her friends. He's catering to the side chick, putting her jacket on, calling her, and sticking by her while MiMi is fleeing the scene.

 
6. He gets caught in the midst of a lie about kissing the side chick in public and completely denies it in front of the witness and all parties involved.
 
 
7. While his main lady is searching for him after finding out about his side chick, he is going after the side chick, begging her to stick around.

 

8. He took a girl out of the strip club to give her a "better life" but is still pimping her, only now he's compensating his "hoe" with studio time.

 

9. He called Erica a b*tch and a slut monkey for no reason. 

 

10. He sweet talks the pants off all his women and just plants his lies all over the place. All his dirt embarrases MiMi and leaves her vulnerable to second baby mama drama, disloyalty, and everytime she's out, she got somebody dishing dirt to her about her man. "There's a big difference between what Stevie says and what Stevie does." -MiMi

 

BONUS. When he finds out his side chick and artist(Joselin) is pregnant, he tries to convince her to get rid of the baby on account of her music career & body image knowing damn well, he was truly concerned about the effect this would have on his family and his own money.

 

"AND IN THAT ORDER!!" -Mama Dee

 

Damn, it's so sad that with all of the above reasons, women still wanna mess with a guy like this. Ariane, MimI's good friend, is constantly trying to be a voice of reason, hoping her friend finds a better love but MiMi insists on hanging on to the one she has. I guess in their own way, an ultimate dog has a reason to be loved for every reason they have to be hated. Here are a few Stevie J displays...

 

1. He's a Smooth talker. He's got a winning smile and knows when and how to use it.

 

2. He's a successful producer and is financially stable. He is a provider and supports his family.

 

3. He's the "sweetest, kindest, nicest guy when he wants to be," says MiMi.

 

4. He extremely talented and can sing his way into his women's hearts, then that piano playing gets him into their panties.

 

5. He fights for his women, goes by their job, jumps in their ride, apologizes, and tries to make things right even when they are sooo very wrong.

 

6. Knows what material goods to give his women when they are at their last straw. 

 

7. He's a romantic and knows how and when to serenade his lady with dinner, roses, and a sweet song.

 

8. He listens to his women and gives them an inkling of what they wanna hear before he hits them with something more truthful. He let's MiMi think he's gonna consider the 20% offer and makes her believe she has a say in the decisions of his production company.

 

9. He knows how to handle his business right in the bedroom. As Joselin has stated, he is a great lover and the sex is moving and powerful.

 

10. He makes each of his women feel special in their own unique ways. Stevie has each of them thinking they are #1.

 

All I know is, ladies let's get our priorities straight! Are you interested in a loyal, faithful man who truly puts you first? Or are you willing to settle for the ultimate dog who will lie and trick you into loving him in ways he doesn't deserve? Because those dudes are a dime a dozen and ain't worth much at the end of the day.

 

A good man is hard to find but if you're lucky enough to find him, you can be proud of it.

 

Tune in to Love & Hip Hop Atlanta Monday nights at 8pm on VH1 and watch the drama unfold...

 

Would you mess with a dude like Stevie J? Why or Why not? And guys, do you support Stevie's ways?

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